How do you break up blind people in a fight? Scream, "I put my money on the guy with the knife!"
Short Jokes
Before I die, I'm going to ask to be cremated.
Then I'm going to eat a bunch of popcorn kernels.
Then I'll die and get cremated. BOOM! I'm popcorn!
Why is "Frozen" a good movie for orphans?
Because they know how to "let it go" when their parents went.
I'm glad we're all going virtual so I can cuss in front of my class and blame it on my stupid siblings.
What is never ordered in an orphanage?
A family sized pizza!
What’s the difference between the real Jesus and a picture of him?
It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
What's stiff and 6 inches long?
SIDS.
My aunt worked as a human cannonball.
I'm not sure if she was good at it until she got fired.
Wanna hear a poop joke?
Nah, they always stink.
We are always joking around about being adopted, when really we are still living in the orphanage.
Q: What happens when a pig plays tug-of-war?
A: Pulled pork.
Why do bees sting?
Because they're pricks.
How do you keep a bull from charging?
You take its credit card away.
How does an American know that his time has come?
He starts hearing Vietnamese.
What do you call a pissed off midget?
A micro-aggression.
What did one cow say to the other? You are mootiful!
Why does Stephen Hawking only do one-liners?
Because he can’t do stand up.
What did the baker say when he forgot the cookie sheets?
Ooh, snickerdoodles!
How do you know if you have a high sperm count?
She chews before she swallows.
How do you know someone has Down syndrome?
They're doing better than you.
