Short jokes
Your mum is so smart, but she still can’t figure out why she had you.
How do you get rid of butterflies in your stomach?
Stop eating caterpillars.
What did the cow say to the fat pig?
Moooooooove over!
Principal: You're being bad. I'm gonna need to call your parents!
Orphan: *sits there sadly*
They told me I'd never be good at poetry.
But to date I have made 3 jugs and a vase, and they look lovely!
"Bippidy boppidy boo! Bill Cosby is coming for you!"
There are 50 dogs and 48 cats.
How many are hungry?
A. 10
People having seizures are just people dreaming about rollercoasters.
How can you tell if an ant is a boy or a girl?
If it sinks it’s a girl. If it floats, it’s boy-ant (buoyant).
What's the difference between the Titanic and Georgie from "It"?
Georgie floated!
What do you call cheese that's not yours?
Nacho cheese!
A boy got a soccer ball and a bike for Christmas. Why is he sad?
He doesn’t have legs.
Why doesn't Voldemort have a human nose?
Because his snake bit it off!
What do you call a duck on drugs?
A quackhead.
I don't like 9/11 jokes because they always talk about how bad of a plane driver my dad is.
I was gonna tell a rumor about butter, but I don’t want to spread it.
Oofer.
What did Thanos say when he snapped his finger? Another one bites the dust.
Everything is made in China, except babies... They are made in Vachina.
What is the best power that man can do? They can move the mountain with their tongue.