Short jokes
I make suicidal jokes because I am a suicidal joke. And now for my closing act at the end of the rope.
Yo mama's hairline is so god damn far back even Joe Biden wouldn't sniff it.
Me, Joe Biden: What do you mean *snifff*
My grandma unplugged the internet cable, so I unplugged her life support.
What comedy skill can’t any cripple master?
Stand up.
Have you heard about the pedophile who was found guilty of robbery?
- He robbed children of their innocence.
I would take out the trash, but my mom said you weren't ready!!! XD
A priest says to me, "Come up, my child." Then I said, "Do I know you? Because you're not my father."
Dmitri! Where's my vodka?
My friend asked me to round up here 37 sheep.
I said “40.”
Q: What was the last thing Kurt Cobain said to Courtney Love before he died?
A: “Holes gonna be big.”
What do LGBTQ folk and folk with scoliosis have in common?
None of them are straight.
Why can't orphans play Monopoly?
Because they never get a full house.
Do you know why you should never let a blonde handle grenades? They'll end up only throwing the pin.
God damn it. Fuck Christianity. I'm fucking 30 years old and still a virgin.
THAT'S A JOKE GOD DAMMIT!
Dark jokes are like gay people, Not everyone likes them.
Why was Six afraid of Seven?
Because 7 was accused of the murder of 26 children.
An old lady walks into an adoption center, and the lady that runs the business says, "Oh, haven’t seen you in a long time!"
Why does a giraffe need such a long neck?
Because its head is so far away from its body.
How does Moses make his coffee?
Hebrews it.
"Have a nice day" and "enjoy the next 24 hours" mean the same thing, but one sounds like a threat.