Short jokes
Hey girl, are you a farmer? Because you sure know how to raise a cock.
What’s the difference between Jesus and Maddie McCann?
One had the last supper.
Bob: Hey bud, remember we're going to space!
Carol: Really? I forgot to planet.
Dad: I'm dying.
Son: Hi dying, I'm [name].
Dad: Really, now is not the time.
Son: I'm sorry.
Dad: Hi sorry, I'm Dad. (dies)
Why did the orphan call Mr. Smith "daddy"? Because he put her in the vices and taught her a lesson about virginity.
As a hobby, I started taking walks around the old clock tower.
It's a great way to pass the time.
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A nectarine.
What was the computer's best pickup line?
Nice bits!
Two cows were hiding.
One said: "Moooo."
The other one said: "Shut up! We're hiding!"
To master puns, you got to relish them first. That's how I must(ar)d it. Who knows, maybe you will ketchup to my level.
What did Julius say when he saw a woman stealing an expensive chandelier?
“Guards! Seize her (Caesar)!”
So I got these new shoes, except they were from a drug dealer.
Now I don't know what they were laced with, but I was trippin' all day.
Who were the fastest runners ever? Adam and Eve. They were first in the human race.
Why can't people in wheelchairs pass high school?
The pacer test.
Read the next line.
Read the previous line.
A: What's the similarity between your girlfriend and the sun?
B: They're both hot?
A: They're both massive.
What does an astronaut call his ex from space?
SpaceX.
Why did the Mushroom get invited to so many parties?
He was a fungi!
What is a necrophiliac's favorite candy? A Hearsey's Kiss.
What do you call blue and orange at the bottom of a pool?
A baby with flat armbands!