Short jokes
What do bungee jumping and a gay man have in common?
If the rubber breaks, they're in beep shit.
I was at a train station and a woman ran up to me and asked, "Is this train running on time?" I said, "No, it runs on steam and coal."
The first thing a man looks at in a woman, is her heart.
The fact that her breasts block the view is not her fault.
What is the difference between a brown bear and a polar bear?
About a few thousand miles.
Knock knock.
Who is there?
WE WILL ASK THE QUESTIONS!
Do you know what the secret is to have a smoking, hot body as a senior citizen?
Cremation.
I'll never forget my dad's last words before he kicked the bucket: "Hey, look how far I can kick this bucket!"
Are you sure your father isn't a thief?
Because he stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.
I took a special needs child to a shooting range.
Poor bastard had no idea which direction to run in.
My mum told me to stop telling the suicidal jokes.
I replied with: "Don't worry, suicide would be the last thing I'd do."
My son told me he has to bring an object for show and tell at school.
So I had him bring my wife.
What do you call a disabled orphan?
A left over vegetables.
The best way to tell a Hindu person and a Muslim person apart is asking them, "Are you 7-Eleven or 9/11?"
Why did the frog take the train to work? His car got toad.
If McDonald's is fast food, then Dairy Queen is fast cream.
What’s the difference between a Black man and a Jew?
One was born burnt.
How do you make a lesbian upset?
Give her a multiplication test.
6 Germans walk into a bar... and only three walk out.
What do you call it when a white person beats a black person?
A KKKO.
Roses are dead. violets are dying. Outside I'm smiling. Inside I'm crying.