Short jokes
If a Jewish kid has ADHD, do they get sent to a concentration camp?
What is the difference between a brown bear and a polar bear?
About a few thousand miles.
The first thing a man looks at in a woman, is her heart.
The fact that her breasts block the view is not her fault.
Prostitution. The only job that pays more if you suck.
Why do you wrap a hamster in duct tape?
So it doesn’t explode when you’re fucking it.
How are boobs and toys similar?
Both were originally made for kids, but dads usually end up playing with them.
Do you know what the secret is to have a smoking, hot body as a senior citizen?
Cremation.
What's the difference between a priest and Woody from Toy Story?
Woody goes limp when a kid walks in the room.
What do you call two lesbians in a closet? A liqueur cabinet.
What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
One’s a Good Year, the other’s a great year.
What do bungee jumping and a gay man have in common?
If the rubber breaks, they're in beep shit.
If a midget says your hair smells nice, is that sexual harassment?
What do black parents and elevators have in common?
Neither of them can raise anything without a belt.
I took a special needs child to a shooting range.
Poor bastard had no idea which direction to run in.
What type of gun isn’t allowed in Africa?
A water gun.
Bomb.
Why are gay guys so rude?
Because they’re fucking assholes.
Why did Hitler commit suicide?
He got the gas bill.
Are you sure your father isn't a thief?
Because he stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.
My grandfather lost his tongue during WW2.
He never talks about it.