Short jokes
Two people are sitting in a skyscraper.
P1: Hey, what wifi are you connected to? The company wifi is horrible.
P2: Airplane wifi.
Why am I so fat? When I was younger my mother said I should be the bigger person.
Yo mama is so fat, when she sat on Walmart, she lowered the prices.
What do a pimp and a farmer have in common?
They both need a hoe to stay in business.
My wife of 60 years told me, "Let's go upstairs and make love."
I just sighed and said, "Choose one, I can't do both."
Studies have shown that in London, a person is stabbed 24 times a second. Poor bastard!
What did the cucumber say to the bell pepper that wasn't wearing enough clothes?
You need more dressing.
How do you fix a cracked pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch!
I told my deaf mom to be nice to the neighbors. She didn't listen...
What is another name for a stupid fish?
"Dum bass."
How many times can you subtract 10 from 100?
Once. The next time you would be subtracting 10 from 90.
What did momma seal name her twin girls?
Luceal and Sealia.
Bubba couldn't make rent, so he offered to sleep with the landlady instead.
I think he forgot he lived in his mom's basement.
What's a knife's favorite person?
The victim.
To people who say that depression hits hard...
The car begs to disagree.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can never find home.
What do you call a dumb and mean crocodile?
A crookodile.
How did the security guard at the orchid get better at his job? He got an Apple Watch.
What does a tornado need when it has multiple sclerosis?
A hurri-CANE.
What do you call a rejected guitarist who now lives on the beach?
A sea minor.