Short jokes
I'll never forget my dad's last words before he kicked the bucket: "Hey, look how far I can kick this bucket!"
Who needs dating apps when you have family reunions?
My son told me he has to bring an object for show and tell at school.
So I had him bring my wife.
I don’t know why people don’t say "Cobain," because I’m pretty sure Kurt Cobain didn’t miss his last shot like Kobe did.
If McDonald's is fast food, then Dairy Queen is fast cream.
Yo mama so fat, when God said, "Let there be light," He was just asking her to move.
Why is Jeffrey Epstein so bad at races?
Because he comes in a little behind.
What is the worst part about siblings having sex?
Being left out.
Why should you never give an orphan a phone?
Because they wouldn't be able to find the home button.
Once my girlfriend asked me to give her lipstick, and I accidentally gave her the glue stick.
She won't talk to me anymore.
What is the difference between an orphan and a deaf kid?
They can't hear or speak to their parents that never came back.
Why do orphans go to prison?
Because that's their only home.
What did Scorpion say to the ugly person?
"STAY OVER THERE!"
What’s a gay man’s favorite cereal?
Froot Loops
What do teenage girls and happy meals have in common?
They both come with a toy.
Yo mama so fat, when I went to the beach, the sun went down.
Q. What's the difference between a CEO and a deer?
A. You don't normally fuck the deer after you've shot it.
Anal intercourse is for assholes.
Have you heard about the dyslexic devil worshipper?
He sold his soul to Santa.
Kurt Cobain's last job was a blow job. He blew his head clean off.