Short jokes
What is the difference between a brown bear and a polar bear?
About a few thousand miles.
Some people think jokes about child abuse are funny.
I'm not sure if I think that, but they do seem to hit different.
Prostitution. The only job that pays more if you suck.
The first thing a man looks at in a woman, is her heart.
The fact that her breasts block the view is not her fault.
I'm always willing to go down on a handicapped girl.
Momma always told me to eat my vegetables.
What do slinkies and the handicapped have in common?
They are the most fun when pushed down a flight of stairs.
What do you call it when a white person beats a black person?
A KKKO.
Roses are dead. violets are dying. Outside I'm smiling. Inside I'm crying.
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
Because the “P” is silent.
What do you call a disabled orphan?
A left over vegetables.
Why do you wrap a hamster in duct tape?
So it doesn’t explode when you’re fucking it.
Do you know what the secret is to have a smoking, hot body as a senior citizen?
Cremation.
I wish my grass were emo, so it would cut itself.
Did you hear about the nun that got kicked out of the convent?
She got caught squatting on the cucumbers in the garden.
If a midget says your hair smells nice, is that sexual harassment?
Have you heard of the book about the transgender whale?
It’s called "Maybe Dick."
If you have a girlfriend/crush that's shorter than you, go up to her and say, "You're short, lemme add some inches."
Why did the frog take the train to work? His car got toad.
Q. What's the difference between a CEO and a deer?
A. You don't normally fuck the deer after you've shot it.
What did the house painter ask when he went to the abortion clinic?
"Where do you keep the cans of paint?"