Short jokes
Q. What's the difference between a Kevlar vest and a CEO?
A. The CEO isn't bulletproof.
There are a lot of upsides to being an orphan.
For one, you never have to worry about your jokes being family friendly.
Did you hear about the octopus who went emo? He sliced all 8 of his wrists.
What do a plastic bag and Jeffery Epstein have in common?
They're both dangerous to children.
I got fired from my paramedic job on the first day. I told an eight-year-old who lost his leg in a car accident to "walk it off."
What do you call someone with no arms and no legs?
A nugget.
How To Kill A Blonde 101:
First Step: Get a pool.
Second Step: Put a scratch-and-sniff at the bottom.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Not Sally.
Why is it called scissoring and not lip-syncing?
Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.
I bought a belt made of clocks.
It was a waist of time.
What is Epstein's favorite piano chord?
A minor.
If I had a dollar for every gender, I would have 2 dollars and a bunch of counterfeits.
What do you call Stephen Hawking's wife? Siri.
There is a party in my mouth, and your dick is invited.
I woke up to my daughter riding me in bed. I asked, "What are you doing?" She replied, "Making a Creampie."
I hate stairs, they're always up to something.
Spell IHOP, now say 'ness' at the end... 😂 ...I ate your penis!
Why couldn't a lifeguard save the hippie? -- Because he was too far out, man.
Hey, you have something on your chin, no the 3rd one down.