Short jokes
Where do sheep go to shop? Shears.
Are you a plane? Because I wanna be in control of you for a few hours.
What do you do with a dead scientist?
You barium.
Hey, did you know that Stephen Hawking predicted the end of the world?
Well, not really. He predicted the end of *his* world.
Your legs are just like Oreos! I wanna split the ends and eat what's in between.
Why was it wrong to throw my Chinese friend down the stairs?
You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel.
A: It’s very delicious! Great! Fantastic!
B: Thank you.
A: People don’t speak when they eat delicious foods!
When your little brother knocks your two Jenga towers you made with his toy airplane,
You: "Hey, stop trying to recreate the Twin Towers!"
Anyone got any new jokes? I ran through all the pages already.
What's at least 6 inches long and goes in your mouth, and it's more fun if it vibrates?
A toothbrush.
I went to the shops yesterday. I bought roast chicken, eggs, and duck. The cashier read $45.99. It was an egg-cellent price!
I must have at least 87 years of bad luck; every time I look in the mirror, it breaks!
Allan: What are you doing Saturday night? Museum girl: Committing suicide. Allan: What about Friday night?
I'm so smart, wanna know why? Because you're gay.
Why did everyone quit the high school volleyball team? To join Coach Kyle's team, of course!
What do you call a sleeping dinosaur? A dinosnore!
Mississippi girls are missing a "pp."
What is always in front of you but can’t be seen?
Answer: The future.
There is a kid in my school who is exactly like Dahmer, but he doesn't eat ppl. Or does he...?
He's Dahmer's son @domink.