Short jokes
So I ran into my specialist doctor, and he said, "Pick a star sign, any star sign." So I said, "Capricorn," and he said, "Nah, you got cancer."
What does Germany and the rest of the world have in common? They both use gases to poison one thing or another.
Rape isn't funny unless she's laughing, too.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
A murderer.
A murderer who--
Is cut off by being murdered.
Did you hear about Paul Walker's rap?
Wrapped around that tree.
What do women put on their ears to look more attractive?
Their knees.
What's black and never works?
Decaffeinated coffee, you racist bastard!
What’s the difference between a feminist and a rock?
A rock can break a glass ceiling.
Why did Sally get a black eye?
Because she tried to play patty cake.
What do you call a funny family of chairs? A sitcom!
What do you call a homeless bounty hunter?
Hobo Fett!
"Ching chong, drop the bomb!"
In my house, good sex sounds like seals slapping each other.
What was the last thing that crossed Princess Diana's mind?
The steering wheel.
Q: What did the skeleton say when he proposed to his girlfriend?
A: Will you marrow me?
What did Hitler get for his 6th birthday?
A Kewpie burger and an Easy-Bake Oven.
What will you call Burj Khalifa after 100 years?
"Bujurg" Khalifa. (Just a joke)
What is it about a beard and glasses that children find so sexy?
Why do people watch hentai?
Because they are as fake as pornstars are.
Do you have a shovel in your back pocket?
Why?
'Cause I’m digging that ass.