Short jokes
You're so fat, no one was laughing, but the floor was cracking!
I work with animals!
What do you do?
I’m a butcher.
Somebody stole my joke.
So I stole their spinal cord.
Why can orphans not grow big and strong? Because they need a parent to buy them steroids.
Where did Milky Way get its degree?
At the university.
What did the man say to the woman? "Make me a sandwich."
Why did the cat meow?
Because it's a cat, and they meow.
Stephen Hawking's death was simply an accident. He pressed power off instead of sleep mode.
Do you have a shovel in your back pocket?
Why?
'Cause I’m digging that ass.
My uncle died on nine eleven... he was the best pilot in Iraq.
Person 1: Did you hear the joke bout 9/11?
Person 2: No, but it'll probably crash and burn.
Dark jokes are like Antarctica.
They're cold.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He tried to update to Windows 10, and his hard drive corrupted.
What do you call a man with a curly toe?
Carlito.
How did the Mexican girl get pregnant? Her teacher told her to do his essay.
What type of cake can orphans not have?
Homemade.
If 80% of all suicides in the UK are males, and women want equality, then maybe they should just kill themselves.
How are a bald eagle and a bald man similar?
Because they both have eyes.
What do you do when you hear your wife squirming around in the back yard?
Reload... chhchhhh.
"Consent is just some fucked up feminist propaganda."