Short jokes
Why did the blonde chick buy two Plan B pills?
She wanted to be for sure for sure!
Did you hear about the dyslexic cop? He jumped off his horse and blew his whistle!
I don't like 9/11 jokes because they always talk about how bad of a plane driver my dad is.
What did Ron put in his diary?
I "Her-mio-ne" after I banged her last night.
Why do lions 🦁 go to SUBWAY 🥪?
Because they like to EAT FLESH.
Why does the heart listen to music a lot?
Because it loves feeling the beat.
Why was the man running around his bed?
Because he needed to catch up on his sleep!
My friend: "Ya mama so stupid, she sits on the TV and watches the couch!"
Me: "That joke's older than your mom!"
An astronomer walked up to me and I was like, "Give me some space..."
Are you getting the funnies?
Q: How did the explorers get to school?
A: They rode the Colum-bus!
People having seizures are just people dreaming about rollercoasters.
Why do orphans go to church so much?
So they can have someone to call father.
What do you call a violent fish?
A smackeral!
Bosses are like seagulls.
They fly in, make a lot of noise, crap all over everything, then fly out.
A baby seal walked into a club.
A boy is sitting in a dentist chair getting braces, and a dentist comes in and says, "Brace yourself!"
What do you call it when an Arab girl has an abortion?
Removing a bomb.
Sam and Amya like anal sex with each other.
What do ya call a legless prostitute in a strawberry field?
A jammy cunt.
I made a house for orphans and...
they had no clue how to use it.