Short jokes
What did the emo say before he crossed the road?
"Fuck my life."
In British chess I guess they play without a queen...
But in American chess they play without 2 towers.
What does Jesus have in common with Pinocchio?
They believe their own lies.
What color is your Bugatti?
What's the difference between the Twin Towers and the people at the old folks home?
They both collapsed.
What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can unscrew a light bulb.
My dad went to go buy milk, but he walks as slow as my grandmother.
My grandmother is paralyzed in the legs.
Why did the serial killer cross the road? To get to the victim's house.
Knock, knock. Who's there? The serial killer.
I don't like the term "kidnapping." I prefer "surprise adoption."
Grandpa said, "No phone near the table," so I said, "You're not allowed near the school."
What did one butt cheek say to the other?
"Together we can stop this shit!"
What did the pilots say before crashing into the Twin Towers?
"We can't go over it, we can't go under it, we go through it!"
Jokers are all about the delivery.
Except abortion jokes...
What did the kid who has no arms get for Christmas?
He couldn't even open it.
What is an orphan's excuse to leave a party?
"I'm gonna make like my parents and run."
What happens to Mary Poppins when the wind dies down?
*Mary Poppins seen falling in background*
When you're banging the class slut and the school shooter says to leave his corpses alone.
Before I die, I'm going to ask to be cremated.
Then I'm going to eat a bunch of popcorn kernels.
Then I'll die and get cremated. BOOM! I'm popcorn!
What do you say to make a redhead mad?
Anything.
What happens if the dumbest person from Europe goes to the US?
The average IQ increases in both places.