Short jokes
What do you call a gay scientist? Stephen Hawqueen.
What did the cancer cell say to its neighbor?
"Mind if I join you?"
Why did Sarah fall off a skyscraper?
Because she made her dad mad.
I say 1, 2, 3, all the kids bullied me, but now they're not so cool, cuz I shot up the school.
Jack and Jill went up the hill 'cause Jack took a Viagra.
Jill was drunk, fell to her knee, Jack had his chance, did Jill till 3.
What's black and never works?
Decaffeinated coffee, you racist bastard!
22 ants were playing football in a saucer.
One ant said to another one, “We'll have to play better tomorrow. We're playing in the cup!”
What does a 90 year old's pussy taste like?
Depends...
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
What did the panther say at the poker party?
I'd be lion if I said I was a cheetah.
Where did the cow go on his first date? To the moovies.
What does Germany and the rest of the world have in common? They both use gases to poison one thing or another.
So I ran into my specialist doctor, and he said, "Pick a star sign, any star sign." So I said, "Capricorn," and he said, "Nah, you got cancer."
How can all rape be prevented? Just teach your daughters to never say no to a man. There - fixed!
I donated to the LGBTQ community. Hopefully now they can find a cure.
Rape isn't funny unless she's laughing, too.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
A murderer.
A murderer who--
Is cut off by being murdered.
Did you hear about Paul Walker's rap?
Wrapped around that tree.
What do women put on their ears to look more attractive?
Their knees.
How do you kill a little boy?
You throw him between two Catholic priests.