Short jokes
What’s the difference between a child and someone who has been kidnapped?
One of them is a domesticated pet.
It's a joke, not a dick. Don't take it so hard.
You can play Jenga in two places now: New York and Miami (Chaplin Towers.) They probably have Jenga tournaments there every year.
Why can’t mental hospitals have Halloween?
Because the patients thought the pumpkins were them. I tried.
What was the first thing Thanos snapped?
Loki’s neck.
Sad news, my obese parrot died today.
Mind you, it's a huge weight off my shoulders.
I bet my friend $5 that he would die drowning.
A depressing but satisfying victory.
Son: Mom, can I tell you something?
Mom: Yes, of course, honey, what's up?
Son: Ok, you have terrible jokes! They're not even funny!
Mom: Well, I made you.
What weapon does a fat Jedi use?
A heavy saber.
I HATE URANUS! I WANNA KICK IT!
What’s the difference between Juice WRLD and George Floyd?
Nothing, they both can’t breathe.
Roses are red,
Potatoes are brown,
Your mom's so hot,
I put her down.
You know how you mine and craft in Minecraft, and you chat in VR in VR Chat, but what do you do in Alabama?
I watch my parents sleep with a knife in my hands. Only got caught once.
My friend committed suicide yesterday... At least he went out with a bang.
You're so ugly you make gay/lesbian people straight!
Why did the cellphone get glasses? Because it lost its contacts!
Did you hear how Stephen Hawking died?
There was a mix up, and he was dropped at PC World instead of A&E!
Why did the researchers want all the shore birds high on marijuana?
They wanted to leave no tern unstoned.
Who remembers when ‘tweeting’ meant “stabbing a hooker”?