Short jokes
In the words of Kerk Cobane: "Check this sweet no scope!"
Has anybody heard of the guy who passed out in the middle of oncoming traffic? Yeah, he was tired.
Q: Why did the family want to move out while the neighbors were playing tennis?
A: Because they were a racquet!
Q. What monster plays the most April Fools' pranks?
A. Prankenstein.
Velcro is such a rip-off.
A guy bought an AMG and crashed it. Now he knows how the Mercedes bends.
Why did the M&M go to school?
It wanted to be a Smartie.
Why can't bugs drive... because they don't have a LICE-ens...
BA-DUM CHHH!
What do you call a person who's afraid of Santa?
Klaustrophobic.
I just stepped on a corn flake. I'm officially a cereal killer.
Q) What do trees call deforestation?
A) TREASON!
Arsenal
A seal walks into a club.
I like playing with Yoyos, because at least they always come back.
What do you call the American healthcare plan for poor people?
Death.
What does a blowjob and a bonus check have in common?
Someone’s always willing to blow your bonus.
I saw names carved into a tree and thought it was romantic. Until I realized how many people bring knives on dates.
What time do terrorists arrive in New York City?
9:11 AM
What happened when the teacher tied all the students' shoe laces together?
They took a class trip.
Q. What's the best part of living in Alabama?
A. Not having to change your last name when you get married.