Short jokes
Roses are red, just like your lips.
Mountains are big, just like your tits.
In British chess I guess they play without a queen...
But in American chess they play without 2 towers.
What do maths and 9/11 have in common?
They both prove two parallel lines can be intercepted by a plane.
What's large, grey, and doesn't matter?
An irrelephant.
My short friend called me a scrub, even though he was the one below me.
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Cakatoo."
"Cakatoo who?"
"So, you're a Rooster now?"
God, I miss Stephen Hawking.
He was brainier than Kurt Cobain's ceiling.
Why did Sally cross the road?
She didn’t wear her seatbelt.
What do you call a crazy computer?
Wired.
What's green and sings?
Elvis Parsley!
Why are birds good at social media?
Because they "tweet" all the time!?
What is the capital of Greece? -- About 10 dollars.
I only listen to waltz 3/4 of the time.
Did you know that graveyards are the most popular place in the world?
Yeah, people are just DYING to get in there...
I just got a job at the prison library.
It has its prose and cons.
Wanna know how I got away from Iraq? Iran.
What's the difference between the Twin Towers and an emo bitch?
The Twin Towers hit the ground.
My friend Liam has a hairline [if you can even call it a hairline] so bad it keeps going back for miles.
Are you the voices I've been hearing?
Because I can't seem to get you out of my head. (Schizophrenic RIZZ)
Why isn’t the word “orphan” spelled with an “f” instead of “ph?” Because that “f” stands for “family,” and the word “orphan” doesn’t have a family.