Short jokes
Why was the man running around his bed?
Because he needed to catch up on his sleep!
Your nan's bald.
Why does the heart listen to music a lot?
Because it loves feeling the beat.
My therapist said time heals all wounds, so I stabbed him. Now we wait.
Wanna hear a joke? My life! Hahahah! Just kidding, jokes actually mean something...
Yo mama's so poor, she can't even afford to pay attention.
Serial killers be like: "Blood is red, veins are blue, next one is YOU."
Why did Michael Jackson decide to sell the ranch?
Because it was over 10 years old.
What are the similarities between a pedophile and a 9/11 plane?
They both came from behind and crushed them.
Mole
A baby seal walked into a club.
I was digging in my backyard and I found gold, and I went to run and tell my mom, but I realized why I was digging in the backyard.
Q: What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in the bathtub?
A: Throw in some laundry.
Why was my mate in "Mission: Impossible?" Because he couldn't find his dad.
I was happy to find I could get a passing grade in all my subjects if I had sex with my teacher, until I remembered I'm home schooled.
Who is more loyal: a dog or a wife?
Well, lock them both in your trunk for two hours and drive around and see which one is happy to see you.
Who killed Hitler goes to Heaven.
*looks up*
Oh, never mind.
Teacher: Alright kids. 50, 49, 48, 47. What comes before 47?
Kid: AK!
Everyone else: 🚪 🏃🏾♀️🏃🏽🏃🏿🏃🏾♀️🏃🏽🏃🏿🏃🏿🏃🏿♀️ 🎒 🏃🏻
What do you call an army of autistic people with guns?
Special forces.
What did the orphan's friend give him for his birthday?
Lego, so he can build a home.