Short jokes
Do you want to know what gifts God gave me?
He didn't give me any.
I was made by the Devil.
I wrote an essay today about Africa, and I FAILED even though I wrote a perfect rendition of the Hunger Games storyline.
What's the difference between God and Ron DeSantis?
God does not think he is Ron DeSantis.
Why are orphans bad at baseball?
They can't find home.
What's the difference between a coat hanger and an emo?
Nothing, they both hang.
Why do orphans not care about sleep? Because they have no one to wake up to.
I went to self-checkout at a store and I scanned my products, but the scanner wouldn't scan the barcode on my arm.
Your momma's so fat, when I went to suck her titties, I got a mouth full of knee.
I went to school with a gay guy who was really smart, but he always got mad that he got straight A's instead of getting all the D's.
"Disease" technically means "lack of ease," so if a girl is hard to get, call her a disease.
That's what Elliot Rodger did.
Some of the most convincing people you'll ever listen to are born liars; usually they're called politicians.
Why was everybody so tired on April 1st? Because they just finished a March of 31 days!
Your forehead is so big, you can fit Santa’s sack on it.
Why did the Dad cross the road?
To get the milk.
Why do orphans have gross cakes?
Because their dad didn't come home with the milk.
What's brown and sticky?
A stick. Get your head out of the gutters... Jeez!
What did the science textbook say to the math textbook?
You've got a lot of problems!
Here’s another joke my friend told me.
What did the school shooter do when the librarian told him to be quiet? Pulled out a silencer.
What’s the difference between a child and someone who has been kidnapped?
One of them is a domesticated pet.
Are you sad? Then don't be sad, because sad backwards is das, and das no good.