Short jokes
A man tells his doctor, "Doc, help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!"
The doctor replies, "Sorry, I don’t follow you..."
Get a head in life by decapitating someone.
What happens to grapes when you step on them? They wine.
I sleep in a castle once every 2 weeks.
It's my fort knight.
Where do cows go to see the big screen? The mooo-vie theater.
Famous last words: I COULD EAT THIS IN ONE BITE!
Today I told my sis, "Knock knock."
She said, "Who's there?"
I said, "I Eat eat my mop."
She said, "I eat mop poo instead of who."
What is the giant's synonyms?
Fi, fo, fum.
A man walked into a bar...
Ouch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My grandad broke his legs.
To cheer him up, I bought him a Walkman.
It's not surprising there isn't a whole lot of good tree jokes.
Most foresters have a wooden personality.
Why did an orphan kill ET?
To phone home.
Yo, sis, come here.
Sis: What?
Me: Oh, sorry, you doing school?
Sis: Yup.
Me: Can I go?
Sis: No way, you're going to hug me.
Me: I love you.
What do you call a train that likes toffee?
A chew-chew train.
What do you call a lady with a pyramid on her head?
mummy
When I see James Charles, my popcorn goes pop pop.
How do homeless people move where they're living?
They pick up their box and walk away.
Where does a snowman keep his money?
In a snowbank.
Where does the resistor go after a long day?
It goes Ohm.
If a man travels 14 miles to buy a loaf of bread, how long will it take for him to realise that living in the countryside is shit?