Short jokes

Orphans are like vegans, no one ever remembers the nice ones.

How does a disabled man go to church? He can't, there's no ramp.

A girl came to my house. She said, "Where are your parents?" I started crying.

I chucked a lamp and a depressed kid, hoping it would brighten up his day.

Why can't a missing child play baseball? Cuz he doesn't know where home is.

What happens when a battery commits a crime? They get charged!

What falls first from a tree, an apple or an emo?

The apple... the emo just hangs there.

What's the worst thing to happen to a Japanese person in WW2... being drafted as a kamikaze pilot, or existing with a Fat Man or Little Boy?

Why do people misplace 9/11 with emo kids? They both have a high death count.

Hey, are you suicide? 'Cause I dream of you every day! <3

It's sad someone has ligma.

My anus smells.

Someone should start a vaping company with the slogan: "Vapes that hit harder than your dad." Sales would skyrocket.

I got a new Lego airplane set from my friend... oddly, there were also two towers included in the box as well.

I wish I was a toe because I want to be banged all day.

My wife told me to treat her like a princess, so I got drunk and drove through the tunnel.

James Bond: Vodka martini.

Bartender: Shaken, not stirred.

James Bond: Do I look like I give a damn?

Are you the twin towers?

Because I want to crash inside of you.

Someone in my class described the KKK as ghosts with pointy hats... I mean, he's not wrong.

2,996 kill streak, boom!