Short jokes
There are a lot of upsides to being an orphan.
For one, you never have to worry about your jokes being family friendly.
Little Johnny goes to his mum and asks, "Mummy, what's rape?"
Little Johnny's mum answers, "The way you got here."
Why do witches wear name tags?
So they know which witch is which!
A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building.
He yells, "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"
What's the difference between your mom and a laundromat washer?
The washer doesn't take loads for free.
If a pregnant emo kills herself, is that murder-suicide or just abortion?
What happened to the frog that partied illegally?
He got TOAD away!
When you play Flappy Bird in 9/11, the bird is a plane and the obstacle courses are towers.
Your hairline goes back to when your dad left you.
2,996 kill streak, boom!
Why do dolphins live in salt water?
Because pepper water would make them sneeze!
There are only 2 things I hate in this world:
1. People who are intolerant of other people's cultures. 2. The French.
How do you make a dishwasher work again?
Smack her ass and say "get back to work!"
The girl asks her boyfriend, "Are you jealous of my heart?"
He says, "No."
She says, "Because it's pumping in me and you're not."
"Stupidity isn’t a crime, so you’re free to go."
Leave a man on a plane, and he flies for a day.
Throw a man off a plane, and he flies for the rest of his life.
American soldier: "Did you come here to die?"
Australian soldier: "Nah mate, I came 'ere yesterdie."
Why should you always give an emo a high five in the hallway? You can’t leave them hanging.
My husband told me he just came into a lot of money.
Weird, he usually uses a sock.
What's the difference between a joke and the Twin Towers? People don't laugh at my jokes.