Short jokes
Roses are red. Violets are blue. You smell like shit. And you look like it too.
Did you hear about the octopus who went emo? He sliced all 8 of his wrists.
What did Cinderella say to Prince Charming?
"Want to see if it fits?"
What did the plane say to the tower?
"Give me a kiss."
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Guess what I got from my uncle this Christmas? Herpes.
Why does Michael Jackson do positions with kids in photos? Because they won’t do the same for him.
Why did God make pigs before politicians?
He just needed some practice.
What do you call a dog turd in China?
Waste of food.
Babies are like airstrikes; they get aborted.
At the back of Abraham Lincoln's mind, next to the bullet hole, he was thinking about how slavery is wrong.
The match: "Ur my match." The thighs: "You light me up."
Your mum is so stupid, when she went on your phone it got fat.
You built like you in the 1980's!
Why do women always have sex with the lights off?
Because they never like to see a man having a good time.
A gay couple walks into a Muslim bar. The tender flares up and says, “let me guess, a little blood on the rocks?”
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Your mom.
Your mom who?
O shit, my mom's home! Honey, get the f*** out of my house!
Kid: Mom, do trees poop?
Mom: Yes. That is how we get #2 pencils.
My grandpa died in 9/11. He crashed a plane.
I was about to joke about your life, but I think your life is already a joke.