Short jokes
What do you call an orphan's family tree?
A stump.
Man: How do you prepare your chicken?
Waiter: Nothing special, we just tell them they’re going to die.
My wife says sex is even better on holiday. I wish she didn’t tell me via email.
The fries were the slowest in the race and they said, "We need to ketchup to the tomato!"
Did you hear they made an Emo-Hipster pizza?
It cuts itself, and you're supposed to eat it before it's cool.
What is a leaf mixed with mud called? Ligma.
Ligma balls!
None of these are jokes... they're all facts!
What's the difference between an orphan and a second-hand book?
The second-hand book was loved once.
Why does Michael Jackson like twenty-eight year olds?
'Cause there are twenty of them.
Why is Jesus in pieces?
Because a one man band is Nine Inch Nails.
What's the same about a newborn and a football?
You can kick them both very easily.
What is an orphan’s favorite beer?
Fosters.
Why are there 30 bullets in one clip?
Because that's the average classroom size.
What does a zebra and I have in common?
We both have stripes.
I bought myself the life-sized Jesus painting off of Amazon, and they had 4 nails within the pack. All I needed was 1.
The guy in the wheelchair at my gym can do so many pull-ups with the wheelchair on, but I said to him, "Don't skip leg day."
Me: Kills the boss and takes his loot.
Everyone else in the office: 😱
What do you call an emo that cuts too deep? Gushers.
What was the Twin Towers favorite game? Jenga.
What are the subtitles when a disabled person speaks in a movie?
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