Short jokes

What is an orphan's favorite store?

Home Depot.

How are laundry and Michael Jackson related?

They both got bleached!

Your mum sat on a phone, and she turned it into a pancake.

I'm so skinny, I could use floss as a noose.

Muslim child to his mother: "Mom, why is my backpack so heavy?"

Mom: "Allahu Akbar, my son, Allahu Akbar!"

Don't you just hate when you have to eat cereal with water because your dad won't bring the fucking milk? Cause same.

So I was digging in the garden and I found some treasure. I was gonna tell my wife when I remembered why I was digging in the garden.

Why can't orphans go big? When you go big, it's considered family size.

Before Jane, was Tarzan clapping gorilla cheeks?

Would love to pound Sterling with a 14 lb hammer.

Roses are red, you are gay, and that's it.

When you commit suicide in your house, that's suicide, but when you commit suicide outside, you failed your parkour.

There was a woman from Ealing, she had a peculiar feeling. She laid on her back, opened her crack, and pissed all over the ceiling.

Q. What makes music on your hair?

A. A headband!

I don't like the term "kidnapping." I prefer "surprise adoption."

What can change color and get beat up?

You.

Did the sun just come out, or did you just smile at me?

What sea creature can add up? A octoplus.

What's the difference between a Lambo and 200 children in my basement? One screams; the children don't.

What do you call an animal that knows karate? Moose Lee 😊😁