Short jokes
I donated a computer to the orphanage...
It didn’t have a motherboard.
Me: I have depression.
Someone: You should get out more! Go outside!
Me: *goes to the beach* Now it's a tropical depression.
Why don't Chinese people believe in Santa? Cause they make the toys.
Why can't orphans be gay? Because then they would be home-osexual.
What did they find in Jeffery Dahmer's apartment?
Jack in a box.
What do you call a dinosaur that loves sucking dino dick?
Sucks-alota-cocka-sorass.
Why do Swedish warships have barcodes on them?
So that when they return to port, they can Scandinavian.
What kind of birds stick together?
Vel-crows.
Why do priests perform baptisms? So they can see children wet.
What is an orphan's favorite movie? Hint, not Home Alone. It's actually Batman, 'cause they are 50% the same as him.
What do you call it when you rickroll someone in the LGBTQ?
You just got fruit-rolled.
What do you call a woman who aborted her quadruplets? A graveyard.
Uranus is larger than Neptune, but Neptune is more massive/heavier. (Fact not joke, also Neptune, don't kill me!)
When you're going 80 km in a school zone and one of the speed bumps screams.
"Have a nice day" and "enjoy the next 24 hours" mean the same thing, but one sounds like a threat.
Pain. Gained. Anxiety. Fulfilled. Insomnia. Depression. Always with me. Happiness... The one thing I can't have.
Titanic walks into a bar. Britannic: "What would you like to drink?" Titanic: "An iceberg."
Me: Hey, that's a really heavy bag, do you have a lot of books and magazines in there?
The Quiet Kid: Yeah, magazines.....
What are the wedding vows of a suicide bomber?
Til death do we park.
Doctor: Do you want the good news or the bad news first?
Patient: Good news!
Doctor: We are naming a disease after you.