Short jokes
Studies have shown that in London, a person is stabbed 24 times a second. Poor bastard!
Today was a bittersweet day...
Bad news is my friend was assaulted. Good news is I successfully sneak attacked someone!
What Spider-Man movie does an orphan like? Homecoming.
Me: You stupid. Guy: You straight. Me: Sorry, I'm not a mirror.
"Lizzie Borden took an axe. And gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, She gave her father forty-one."
what kind of shoes are made of banana peels? slippers.
What do Time Clocks like to play?
Tick Tack Toe.
Where would an astronaut park his spaceship? A parking meteor.
What does an orphan and a banana have in common? They both get split up.
Why are ant colonies very healthy? Because they have lots of antibodies.
A person asks a taxidermist what they do for a living. The taxidermist replies, "Oh, you know, stuff."
Looks like someone's funny bone's broken!
I got a reversible jacket for Christmas, I can't wait to see how it turns out.
It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.
"Why don't you want to taco 'bout it?"
"Cause I'm nacho friend anymore."
"Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains!" "What's wrong with me!" "Calm down, calm down. Just pull yourself together!"
If you eat a clock, then does that mean you’ve consumed time?
People at my school have started to wear Logan Paul merch. I try to give them a high five, but they always leave me hanging.
What is a panda's favorite cooking implement?
A pan-duh.
I am never letting Elsa take care of my dog again. Last time she just let it go.