Short jokes
What's the difference between a cheater and your mom?
They both cheated!
Battery 1%.
I take one last look at Earth as my suit runs out of power.
I asked God why nobody likes me. He showed a reflection of myself.
Where is the wall's favorite place to meet his friends?
Why are orphans whores?
Because they want a sugar daddy. 🙃
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Your mom.
Your mom who?
O shit, my mom's home! Honey, get the f*** out of my house!
Your forehead is so big your soulmate didn't even want you.
Roses are red, violets are blue,
Your mum's so fat, she broke Britain too!
Roses are red, That's a tin can, You have no home, So get in the van!
My friend and I were playing Poker... And my friend also beat me with Jackass.
Feeling stressed? Have a nice cup of tea and spill it in the lab of the person bothering you.
"Hey Gwen, I'm back."
-Dev
"It's been so long they unblocked it!"
Doctor: I’m going to have to turn you away.
Orphan: But why?
Doctor: Because I’m a family doctor.
What's something a depressed person can do that a regular person can't?
The depressed person can scan themself.
Why don’t Mexicans have sex education and driver's education on the same day?
Because the donkey gets tired.
What did the mom tell her son when he asked for a bowl of cereal? "Sorry your dad wasn't came back with the milk yet."
Mom, can I be a firefighter when I grow up?
Mom: Oh, you won't grow up, Caillou.
Zelensky: I'm begging for Russian forces to withdraw from the whole of Ukraine.
Putin: Crimea river.
Hey, you know those birds and lizards that feast on decaying flesh?
Oh, sorry, I shouldn't carrion about it.
My friend says, "You should try Oreos with water."
Me: No, because my dad actually came back with the milf.