Short jokes
What do you call two lesbians in a closet?
A liquor cabinet.
How do you piss off a disabled person?
You put the cookie on the other shoulder.
What's the toughest stain to wash off a little boy's underpants?
Michael Jackson's lipstick.
A suicidal boy went up to a tree and said "hi".
The tree never responded; it left him hanging.
I look at my girlfriend’s ass like a homeless man looks at a trash can.
Like it’s my next meal.
My mum told me to stop telling the suicidal jokes.
I replied with: "Don't worry, suicide would be the last thing I'd do."
What's the difference between Derek Boogaard and Kurt Cobain? Nothing, they were both fucked in the brain when they died.
Him: Hey girl, do you have pet insurance?
Her: Yes, why do you ask?
Him: Cuz I'm going to bang that pussy up!
An orphan told me people kept bullying him, so I said, "Tell your parents."
Your hairline is farther back than the Mexican border.
When I cut vegetables for my famous stew, I don’t know why everyone in the nursing home is always looking at me.
Q. What do you get when you cross a mentally disabled person with a pedophile? A. Jeffy Epstein.
What is it you can give at Christmas and still keep? Herpes.
Why does no one die a virgin? Cause life fucks us all.
What's Michael Jackson's favorite thing to do when nobody's home?
Beat it.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims. They went through 67 stories in 0.67 milliseconds.
Every time someone calls me fat, I get so depressed I cut myself... a piece of cake.
Dad: Ok son, if you fail this test, you're no longer my child, ok?
Son: Ok dad.
AFTER TEST
Dad: Hey son, how'd the test go?
Son: Son?
If you drive a Lamborghini, then you have a tiny weenie.
If your daily is a Chevy, then your mom is super heavy.