Short jokes
Do you know why you should never let a blonde handle grenades?
They'll end up only throwing the pin.
What did the sand say when it got into a fight with the ocean?
"Oh my God, you're such a beach!"
What is harder than steel?
Michael Jackson on a primary school oval. 😂
Fun fact: The body positivity movement is the only movement without any actual movement.
What did Michael Jackson say to the little boy?
"Shhhhhhh, this might hurt a little."
I gave a deaf kid air pods for his birthday.
Every time I tell a 911 joke, it bombs.
Ever heard of iLadies? I laid deez nutz on yo' face!
Dad joke time:
What do you call a cow in an earthquake?
A milkshake.
Why does Michael Jackson like Chef Boyardee? He likes the little balls.
Q. If I go 1 on 1 with Harvey Weinstein, I won't get raped?
A. I'm not a 14-year-old girl.
I wasn't close to my father when he died. Which is lucky because he stepped on a landmine.
Why don’t Asians use phones?
Cuz they wing da wrong number!!!
Six was scared of seven because 7 8 9, so why was 10 scared? Because he was caught between 9/11.
What does a noisy chilli do?
It gets jalapeno business.
What's the difference between my mum and my dad?
My mum stayed.
What hit the ground first, the feather or the depressed kid?
The feather, the rope was stopping the kid.
Why did the brother cross the road? Because the sister farted.
Why did the car key never fit in?
He was too door key.
Why was Timmy the only happy person in his family?
Timmy is dead.