Short jokes

What does a carpenter do after a one night stand?

The second nightstand.

What does a priest and a clown have in common?

They both make children cry.

Q: How do you get the retard kid out of the tree?

A: Wave at him.

Q: What does Abraham Lincoln have in common with a poor quality pirated movie?

A: They were both shot in a theater.

Have you heard about the movie "Constipation"?

No, because it never came out...

How did the retard win the break dancing competition?

He saw flashing lights.

Orphan: "I want to be a superhero."

Me: "You should be Batman."

Also me: *starts laughing* because Batman doesn't have parents...

I fear my last words will be "hold my beer and watch this."

A pun enters the room and kills ten people.

Pun in, ten dead.

What's black and white and hard as nails? A nun on speed!

What do you call a sleeping dinosaur? A dinosnore!

What did the dalmatian dog say after he finished his meal?

"That hit the spot?"

What did the plate say to the other plate? Lunch is on me! 😂

Flippity floppity, women are property.

I had to write an essay about Africa, and I failed because I plagiarized the Hunger Games script.

What did the blonde say when I told a rape joke?

"Can you show me what rape is?"

What do you call a disabled person in a sauna?

Steamed veggies!

What did Homer Simpson say when he ran over a deer? "DOE!"

How do you put an end to MeToo? Just fill those combined showers with transgender women.

Why did the tomato cross the road?

To ketchup with his friends on the other side.