Short jokes

What's a prisoner's favorite game?

Hangman!

I went to a stand up show with the person who made my life a joke.

Why did the astronauts take a box of cereal and a cow with them? In case they bypassed the Milky Way!

What do you call an Irish man that breaks up fights?

Liam Malone.

What did the mommy cow say to the baby cow?

It's pasture your bedtime.

There is this cute Russian girl in my class, yet she hasn't asked me out for vodka.

You like to draw? Because I like the MD, raw :)

My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.

Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting "9"!

That’s the best I’ve done so far.

What’s the hamburgler’s retarded cousin? Aspergler.

So I painted my laptop black, hoping it would run faster... Now it doesn't work.

What do you call it when an Arab girl has an abortion?

Removing a bomb.

Here is a jacket for my favorite Jew.

It says, "271032."

Do you know you’re supposed to wash your sex toys after you use them?

I guess that’s why Catholics invented baptism.

"Why did the band teacher get arrested?"

"For fingering a minor." Ahaha, so funny!

Roses are red. Violets are blue. You smell like shit. And you look like it too.

The mom: "Where did Timmy go after exploring that minefield across the road, honey?"

The dad: "Everywhere."

Oompa Loompa Doobity doo, I got a glock and it’s pointing at you.

What do you call a zombie?

Nothing because zombies aren’t real, and if they were, you would be dead.

This guy tried to kill me, and I asked, "What is this? Friday the Thirteenth?" Michael replied, "Nah, it's Halloween."

What did the policeman say to his belly button?

You're under a vest.