Short jokes
Which is the odd one out? FISH, SNAKE, STEPHEN HAWKING, HORSE.
Horse, of course — the rest can't walk.
"Freshfry, please leave me and prince alone! I never asked you to join our chat!"
I'm going to bomb a little child (I'm an USA bomber).
There's a new cooking programme on BBC1. The contestants are victims of domestic violence. It's called "Can't Cook... Right Hook."
I can't remember the last full conversation I had with my grandfather.
Good thing is, since he hit his head, he can't remember either.
Karens yell, I scream, my mum fucks me.
What is the spiciest meat ever? Pepperoni.
"I need help, George Sink," said Jimmy.
"What is it?" said George Sink.
"Can you wash my dishes?" said Jimmy.
My jacket tore a little bit. It's a ripper.
That's caketasic!
You're so small you went hand gliding on a Dorito!
Your hairline is so big, Niagara Falls said, "Oh, looks like we've got some competition!"
Do you know the phrase "One man's trash is another man's treasure"? Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted!
Do you know why orphans can't get married? Because they will never get their parents' blessing.
Funny thing is, dead women can't say no...
Paper.
Why was Hitler broke?
The gas prices are outrageous.
What does a child molester and a Catholic priest have in common? They both prey at church.
Spanish is difficult. When my mom gives me food, she says "toma," and that's drink in English, so I always drink my food.
How did the Emo kid bag all the cheerleaders?
He hit them all when he started shooting his shot.