Short jokes
Before I die, I'm going to ask to be cremated.
Then I'm going to eat a bunch of popcorn kernels.
Then I'll die and get cremated. BOOM! I'm popcorn!
Children are like farts.
You can only tolerate your own.
I'm a turd.
What do you call a child with no family?
Names.
Dnebdoctor?
I got so bad about cutting myself every time I went to the bathroom, I wanted to break my jacket zipper off and use that!
What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? "I want you inside me."
Me: Gay puns are the best!
Also me: But I'm straight though.
What did one bear reply to his bad pun?
"Bear with me!"
How did the Java programmer's son get rich?
Because of inheritance.
What do you call plane crash victims?
Down to earth people.
What plate goes to Bikini Bottom?
Malaysia Flight 370.
Why do kids have school every day? So that they can learn.
I'm throwing an orgy for people on antidepressants.
Let me know if you can't cum.
Does anyone else just want to die, or is it just me?
What did the other wave say to the other wave?
"Nothing, they just waved!"
Why did 1 eat 2?
'Cause he was hungry.
You know why the teacher punished Dairy Milk?
Answer: Because he was choco_'late' to school.
Why didn't the orange go to the doctor?
Because he had vitamin C.
What did the builder say after the foundation?
"Employees!"