Short jokes
What do pedophiles and Sandy Hook have in common?
Shooting up schoolchildren.
I have a friend who has no arms, her name is Suzy. I always tell her this one knock knock joke, "Knock Knock!" "Who's there?" Not Suzy.
Did you hear about the new German microwave? It has ten seats in it.
What’s the difference between football and rape?
Women don’t like football.
I fear my last words will be "hold my beer and watch this."
What do you call a homeless bounty hunter?
Hobo Fett!
Orphan: "I want to be a superhero."
Me: "You should be Batman."
Also me: *starts laughing* because Batman doesn't have parents...
What's black and white and hard as nails? A nun on speed!
Q: What does Abraham Lincoln have in common with a poor quality pirated movie?
A: They were both shot in a theater.
What does a carpenter do after a one night stand?
The second nightstand.
What's worse than sucking a dozen raw oysters out of your grandmother's cunt?
Putting in 12 and sucking out 13.
How do you know if someone is anorexic? You toss them a onion ring and see if they eat it, or use it as a hula hoop.
Have you heard about the movie "Constipation"?
No, because it never came out...
A pun enters the room and kills ten people.
Pun in, ten dead.
By the law, you are not allowed to have a sick bird. That's ill-eagle.
What makes a depressed kid happy? ..... A bridge.
Why do kids like Michael Jackson so much?
Because he's made out of plastic, and that's what toys are made out of! 😂
what is the difference between a basement full of dead prostitutes and a bowling ball in the basement?
I don't bowl.
I was hunting at night for deer, and then I found one and shot it. I realized the deer I shot was actually my ex...
Why did the tomato cross the road?
To ketchup with his friends on the other side.