Short jokes
What happens when you search nudes on my phone?
Nothing, I don't have any.
"A llahu Aks into a bar..."
And it blows up!
As tragic as school shootings are, it's also a quick way to a late-term abortion.
My favorite planet is Saturn because it is tight next to Uranus.
I stole my friend's amnesia medication the other day, he was pretty pissed.
But I reminded him of the age-old mantra: "Forgive and forget!"
You wanna hear a joke? You.
What's the difference between a pig and a police officer?
The pig smells better.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to catch some pail of water.
Jack came down, and then Jill came tumbling after, so they had a baby...
What do boobs and toys have in common?
Kids end up playing with toys, but adults end up playing with boobs.
I asked my wife to embrace her mistakes.
She gave me a hug.
Your hairline is so wonky, "Wheels on the Bus" goes round and round on your hairline.
Orphan: What are you doing tonight?
Me: Your mum... oh wait, you don't have one.
What do you do when you see a naked dead girl?
Check your map, you're obviously going in circles.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
To get to the real estate agent.
What type of gun isn’t allowed in Africa?
A water gun.
A 28-year-old medical student is auctioning off her virginity online.
For $300K, you can have the worst sex of your life.
What's the difference between Donald Trump and an orange?
The orange tastes good.
What's brown and sticky?
A stick. Get your head out of the gutters... Jeez!
What's black and sits on top of a staircase?
Stephen Hawking's after a house fire.
Don't take my posts seriously, take them like your ex took you—as a joke.