Short jokes
Studies have shown that in London, a person is stabbed 24 times a second. Poor bastard!
What Spider-Man movie does an orphan like? Homecoming.
What did the adopted poker player say?
"Will you raise me?"
Pain. Gained. Anxiety. Fulfilled. Insomnia. Depression. Always with me. Happiness... The one thing I can't have.
People say killing two birds with one stone is a good thing, but when I did it, people just looked horrified.
Q: How do basketball players stay cool during a game?
A: They stand near the fans! 🏀🏀😆😆
"Have a nice day" and "enjoy the next 24 hours" mean the same thing, but one sounds like a threat.
A vampire stalks you into a field of corn. The stakes have never been higher...
Where would an astronaut park his spaceship? A parking meteor.
Did you know there was a record for the quickest time to finish a story? The day it was set was 9/11. 99 stories in .4 seconds.
Joe mama so fat, she could not walk the stairs of heaven.
Credits: to my friend.
What does an orphan and a banana have in common? They both get split up.
Why did the boy put the potatoes 🥔 on the kitchen floor?
He wanted to mash potatoes!
I gave Caillou bleach, now he is paler than ever. >:)
Why can’t orphans go on school field trips?
Parent Signature: _______
What do Time Clocks like to play?
Tick Tack Toe.
Why did the depressed kid jump off the bike? It was free depressed day.
Me: I'm home, ma! Here's her with a new dad. Her: Go hang with someone. Me: Gets the noose, goes to fav tree. I love you, ma. 🙂
I always win arguments against my handicapped girlfriend; she can't stand for herself.
What did the caveman say while seeing a reptile taking off?
Look at that dino-sour!