Short jokes
What did the Asian people name their retarded son?
Sum Ting Wong.
What is purple, small, and rinsed off in a drainer?
A bunch of grapes! 🍇
What did Homer Simpson say when he ran over a deer? "DOE!"
A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "uno, dos..." *poof* ... He disappeared without a tres.
If anyone's gonna be fuckin' my sister, it's gonna be ME!
How can you save a depressed person from a tree?
You cut the rope.
Q: What do you call a pigeon that is full of poop that flies in front of a car?
A: A suicide bomber.
Why do kids like Michael Jackson so much?
Because he's made out of plastic, and that's what toys are made out of! 😂
What is an orphan's family tree?
A stump.
Where do sheep go to shop? Shears.
What is a self-harm person's favorite game?
Fruit Ninja.
When the school shooter is gonna clap the football team but his AK jams: “Take it easy guys, I was just joking!”
Why did Peter Parker take Gwen Stacy to an orthopedist?
Because her neck was killing her.
The worst thing about an owl is how they can maintain eye contact when you put them in a microwave.
Even if there was no gravity, I'd still fall for you.
NWA: Straight Outta Compton.
Kobe Bryant: Straight Outta the Helicopter.
It's only okay to beat up a dwarf when they walk up to your wife and say, "Your hair smells nice."
I got a phone call from a guy labeled "assassin" saying my life will end soon. I seriously doubt that he w- *gunshot*
I respect anyone who devotes their life to charity work.
But I think Paul Walker went a step too far.
How is smoking similar to oral sex?
The closer to the butt you get the stronger the flavor! 🤢