Short jokes
The worst joke ever.
Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9.
Why was 9 thankful to 6? Because 6 8 7 2.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims. They went through 67 stories in 0.67 milliseconds.
If Hitler was a comedian, he would use laughing gas.
Israel and Palestine jokes are hard at these times.
It’s all about execution.
Why can't orphans be gay?
They don't have a closet to come out of.
They can't say no if they're unconscious.
I gave a deaf kid air pods for his birthday.
Q. If I go 1 on 1 with Harvey Weinstein, I won't get raped?
A. I'm not a 14-year-old girl.
What's the difference between my mum and my dad?
My mum stayed.
Fun fact: The body positivity movement is the only movement without any actual movement.
I wasn't close to my father when he died. Which is lucky because he stepped on a landmine.
Why does Michael Jackson like Chef Boyardee? He likes the little balls.
Every time I tell a 911 joke, it bombs.
Six was scared of seven because 7 8 9, so why was 10 scared? Because he was caught between 9/11.
What does a noisy chilli do?
It gets jalapeno business.
Why don’t Asians use phones?
Cuz they wing da wrong number!!!
Ever heard of iLadies? I laid deez nutz on yo' face!
Dad joke time:
What do you call a cow in an earthquake?
A milkshake.
The people in the Democratic Party are how I like my coffee.
Black and bitter.
A shop assistant is helping a little boy find his mum.
"What's she like?" he asked the boy.
"BIG COCKS AND VODKA!" said the boy.