Short jokes
How do you piss off a disabled person?
You put the cookie on the other shoulder.
What's a tower's favorite bagel? I don't know, but it ain't plain.
What do you call two lesbians in a closet?
A liquor cabinet.
Why did the blonde stare at the Ford?
Because it said, "Focus."
I was reading a great book about an immortal cat the other day. It was impossible to put it down.
Looking in the mirror, I don’t need a therapist, god damn, I wanna be a terrorist.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims. They went through 67 stories in 0.67 milliseconds.
They can't say no if they're unconscious.
So, I was in the church the other day, raping this woman, when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!' I said, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'
Why did the brother cross the road? Because the sister farted.
What do you call a mouse that doesn't like being known about?
Anonymouse.
Cashier: "Will you want the milk in a bag today, sir?"
Customer: "I’ll just keep it in the carton if you don’t mind."
How to make time fly?
Answer: Throw a clock out of the window.
Why did the zookeeper lose his job? For choking the chicken and spanking the monkey!
What did the sand say when it got into a fight with the ocean?
"Oh my God, you're such a beach!"
What’s the similarity between your uncle and your hands?
They can both do dirty things.
Whoever killed Adolf Hitler is MY hero!
Who is the biggest slut in the world? Ms. Pacman, because you give her 25 cents and she swallows balls until she dies.
What does food and dark humour have in common?
Not everybody gets it.
Do you know why you should never let a blonde handle grenades?
They'll end up only throwing the pin.