Short jokes
Pain. Gained. Anxiety. Fulfilled. Insomnia. Depression. Always with me. Happiness... The one thing I can't have.
People say killing two birds with one stone is a good thing, but when I did it, people just looked horrified.
Q: How do basketball players stay cool during a game?
A: They stand near the fans! 🏀🏀😆😆
"Have a nice day" and "enjoy the next 24 hours" mean the same thing, but one sounds like a threat.
A vampire stalks you into a field of corn. The stakes have never been higher...
Where would an astronaut park his spaceship? A parking meteor.
Did you know there was a record for the quickest time to finish a story? The day it was set was 9/11. 99 stories in .4 seconds.
Joe mama so fat, she could not walk the stairs of heaven.
Credits: to my friend.
What does an orphan and a banana have in common? They both get split up.
Why did the boy put the potatoes 🥔 on the kitchen floor?
He wanted to mash potatoes!
I gave Caillou bleach, now he is paler than ever. >:)
Why can’t orphans go on school field trips?
Parent Signature: _______
What do Time Clocks like to play?
Tick Tack Toe.
Why did the depressed kid jump off the bike? It was free depressed day.
Me: I'm home, ma! Here's her with a new dad. Her: Go hang with someone. Me: Gets the noose, goes to fav tree. I love you, ma. 🙂
I always win arguments against my handicapped girlfriend; she can't stand for herself.
What did the caveman say while seeing a reptile taking off?
Look at that dino-sour!
Why couldn’t the dairy farmer find his home? He lost the whey!😅
What does a peeing pterodactyl sound like?
Nothing, the pee is silent.
You couldn't spit out a good sentence, even if you ate a bowl of alphabet soup.