Short jokes
"Lizzie Borden took an axe. And gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, She gave her father forty-one."
Today was a bittersweet day...
Bad news is my friend was assaulted. Good news is I successfully sneak attacked someone!
What Spider-Man movie does an orphan like? Homecoming.
Me: I'm home, ma! Here's her with a new dad. Her: Go hang with someone. Me: Gets the noose, goes to fav tree. I love you, ma. 🙂
Me: You stupid. Guy: You straight. Me: Sorry, I'm not a mirror.
Doctor: Do you want the good news or the bad news first?
Patient: Good news!
Doctor: We are naming a disease after you.
Studies have shown that in London, a person is stabbed 24 times a second. Poor bastard!
What does an orphan and a banana have in common? They both get split up.
Did you know there was a record for the quickest time to finish a story? The day it was set was 9/11. 99 stories in .4 seconds.
Joe mama so fat, she could not walk the stairs of heaven.
Credits: to my friend.
What do you call a clever clock?
Clockwise.
Why are ant colonies very healthy? Because they have lots of antibodies.
A person asks a taxidermist what they do for a living. The taxidermist replies, "Oh, you know, stuff."
Last words of the mayor of Hiroshima: “What the fuck was that noise?”
Why did the depressed kid jump off the bike? It was free depressed day.
What is the chemical formula for a banana? BaNa2
what kind of shoes are made of banana peels? slippers.
I gave Caillou bleach, now he is paler than ever. >:)
Why can’t orphans go on school field trips?
Parent Signature: _______
What do Time Clocks like to play?
Tick Tack Toe.