Short jokes
My friend wasn't open to the idea of me becoming a nudist.
I told him to stop being so clothes-minded.
Emma Watson gets hotter and hotter in the Harry Potter movies when you’re watching in reverse order.
What do you call a one-legged hippo?
A hoppo!
Adopting a kid is like having a yard sale! I mean, if the owners don't want it anymore, what makes you think I want it?
What do lesbians and turtles have in common?
They both eat plastic. (I'm sorry to the lesbians out there; this is a joke, not real.)
Why was the soldier reading the Geneva convention?
To-do list.
It's hard to predict the future,
especially before it happens.
How are orphans like broken pencils?
Neither of them have points.
The cemetery sure is overcrowded today.
I guess people are dying to get in.
Someone stole my mood ring. I don't know how to feel about that.
Frère l'été ici!
If you understand, put it in chat.
A whale went to the country Wales for vacation.
When it ended, what did he say? "I had a whale of a time!"
This joke is so funny, I'll bet you greened (grinned).
If an emo counts down, don't worry, they probably have only one bullet.
Your hairline is so far back, even the slaves can't plant that shit back.
What is white and 9 inches?
Nothing.
What is a boxer's favorite part of a joke? The punchline.
Why did Blitzkrieg work so well in France?
Because lightning always follows the path of least resistance.
The FBI said, "Open up!" I shout to them.
A person said, "Cookie sale." I opened up. He fucked me.
I stole a wheelchair from a disabled kid. What is he going to do, stand up?