Short jokes
I'm torn on the issue of abortion. I'm pro-abortion because it kills babies, but I'm against abortion because it gives women a choice.
What did Cinderella do when she got the ball?
She gagged and took it like a champ.
Q: What did Donald Trump say after America gave him the boot?
A: What am I supposed to do with one boot?
You aren't alone. If you ever need to chat, I'm here. From one person to another. I hate this condition. I wish we didn't struggle.
What's the only thing with 4 legs Asians don't eat? A table.
I'm glad I'm not a pornstar... that would be pretty sucky.
"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.
What do you call a white duck?
A quacker.
What's the difference between my wife and a battery? I can't use a battery when it dies.
Q: Have you ever felt a window?
A: Did you feel the pane?
What did the skeleton say to the other skeleton? "You're dead to me."
How do you punish a blind man?
Leave the plunger in the toilet.
When is a door not a door? When it's ajar.
Q: How do you make a door cry?
A: Twist its knob.
What did the Tin Man say when he got run over by a steamroller? -- "Curses! Foil again!"
Why does Sans like puns so much? Probably because he finds them humorous.
My credit card is more declined than the love from my dad.
Want to hear something that’ll make you smile? Your face muscles.
I talked to a future suicide bomber. I told him, "ISIS ain't got sh** on me because I planted a bomb and lived."
I’m happy to be with my EA when I go to school.