Why did the Titanic sink? Because your mom was on it.
Short Jokes
What kind of birds stick together?
Vel-crows.
What do you call it when you rickroll someone in the LGBTQ?
You just got fruit-rolled.
Why do priests perform baptisms? So they can see children wet.
Pain. Gained. Anxiety. Fulfilled. Insomnia. Depression. Always with me. Happiness... The one thing I can't have.
When you're going 80 km in a school zone and one of the speed bumps screams.
What does an orphan and a banana have in common? They both get split up.
Did you know there was a record for the quickest time to finish a story? The day it was set was 9/11. 99 stories in .4 seconds.
I suffered The Great Depression.
Me: You stupid. Guy: You straight. Me: Sorry, I'm not a mirror.
"Lizzie Borden took an axe. And gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, She gave her father forty-one."
"Have a nice day" and "enjoy the next 24 hours" mean the same thing, but one sounds like a threat.
Titanic walks into a bar. Britannic: "What would you like to drink?" Titanic: "An iceberg."
Uranus is larger than Neptune, but Neptune is more massive/heavier. (Fact not joke, also Neptune, don't kill me!)
What are the wedding vows of a suicide bomber?
Til death do we park.
Doctor: Do you want the good news or the bad news first?
Patient: Good news!
Doctor: We are naming a disease after you.
What's a book never written? Beautiful sights by a mountain, by a rocky hill!
Q: How do basketball players stay cool during a game?
A: They stand near the fans! šššš
You have to have real balls to face prostate cancer.
Just not for long!
What Spider-Man movie does an orphan like? Homecoming.
