Short jokes
Do you know the difference between toilet paper and a shower curtain?
So you're the one!
Did you hear about the gays that had a baby? It was a little shit
What's black, gold, and red all over?
Tupac in Vegas.
What did the String Theorist say when his wife caught him in bed with another woman?
"Wait, I can explain everything!"
Can we stop talking about 9/11? I lost my dad in it.
He was a great pilot.
I would make a joke about your mom, but cows are sacred in my country.
There's a lot of talk about starting families, but no one ever talks about finishing what they started.
I believe in a woman's right to choose...
...whether she wants to cook first and then clean or clean first and then cook.
When you turn off all the annoying beeping things in the hospital, and everyone starts sleeping better.
I got an Xbox achievement the other day. It said "Trash Master," and everyone looked at me at the funeral.
when is rape wrong on so many levels?
inside a lift.
Q: What's black, white and red all over?
A: A blushing zebra? No, Michael Jackson after a Pepsi advert.
I’d tell a joke about my abusive dad, but I only remember the punch line.
You heard that Michael Jackson autopsy reports showed he died of food poisoning?
It’s because he ate some 8 year old nuts.
Roses are red, violets are blue, my heart is dead, I'm such a fool. -Juice Wrld
If a man is willing to try his hardest to give you the moon and stars, then ladies, you should be willing to give up Uranus.
wo(man) fe(male) we(men)
dishwash(her)
I was sad, so I called the depression hotline. Turns out the depression hotline is where people roast you until you are depressed.
Me to my friend: I only date suicidal girls.
My friend: Why?
Me: Because that pussy is limited edition.
What happened when the cheetah took too many baths?
He became spotless!!!