Short jokes
What do you call a bacon from Chernobyl?
Technoblade!
Why did Michael Jackson rush to H&M?
They had new Billie Jeans!
What do you call Stephen Hawking on a bungy jump?
Spasticelastic.
Q: What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in the bathtub?
A: Throw in some laundry.
What do you call a Sikh man standing on a rope? Balan Singh.
Why did Michael Jackson love melted chocolate? Because he could pour it on his cock, then get a prepubescent boy to suck it off.
Why did Michael Jackson decide to sell the ranch?
Because it was over 10 years old.
What do priests and doctors have in common?
They both do physicals on kids.
Why is Russia invading Ukraine?
«Мы хотим вернуть Советский Союз!»
what song did people in Hiroshima listen to?
"Here Comes the Sun."
Me: Can I get your mom's number?
Friend: Here you go:
Me: Ohh, strange, I already had it.
Kid: Mom, what’s dark humor?
Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.
Kid: But, Mom, I’m blind!
Mom: Exactly.
What’s the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby?
Dogs only lick peanut butter off private parts.
What do you call a letter using the bathroom?
The P.
Why was the man running around his bed?
Because he needed to catch up on his sleep!
When you're sitting in class and the quiet kid yells, "Lovely day, isn't it?" ... and you see a Glock shape in his pocket.
What can you give a white person that you can't give to a black person?
A black eye.
Yo mama is so stupid, because when she gave birth to you, she asked for a receipt!
Why does no one look up at Steven Hawking?
You have to look down to see him.
Me: I know why you don't have friends.
Kid: Why?
Me: Because you can't even figure that out.