Short jokes
How do you know you're following a DeLorean? The white line disappears.
Your dad never needed a van for you.
Why was the asian late to class?
His 1 minute rice took 2 minutes to cook.
A job is like virginity. Not everyone loses it.
They say watching child porn will get me 20 years in jail. I prefer to think of it as two 10-year-olds.
I'd love it if you killed yourself, but Hitler killed himself and people still hate him...
What's black, gold, and red all over?
Tupac in Vegas.
What's the best part of being a pedophile? You will never have a wife.
What's the same between a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus? They're both saying "Oh my god, my mom's gonna kill me!"
What’s the difference between Jesus and a hooker?
The look on their face when you're nailing them.
I don't want to die alone... That is why I am working my way up to become a suicide bomber!
Your forehead's so big that Michael Jackson could moonwalk across that b*tch.
What did Mario say when he broke up with Princess Peach?
It's not you, it's a-me, Mario!
Why did Beethoven have trouble finding a music teacher? Because his teacher was Haydn.
What do you do if you're ever attacked by a gang of clowns?
Go for the juggler!
What do you call a Mexican in the zombie apocalypse?
Answer: "Sweet and spicy chicken."
Here is a jacket for my favorite Jew.
It says, "271032."
What’s the best part about having sex with a pregnant woman?
You can have sex and a blow job at the same time.
Why can’t orphans play baseball? They ain’t got no home to run to.
Why can’t England people play chess? They ain’t got no queen.
You want to hear a rape joke? Yeah. Damn you ruined it.