Short jokes
I think my dad's gay because he goes out with his mates to get milk but never returns.
Did you hear about the blonde that worked at the Dollar Store? She called for a price check.
What did the orphan say to his dad last?
Please get non-fat milk!
Your mom is so fat, she played bowling with the planets.
Depression is like therapy; the more you see it, the more you get used to it.
What do you call a chair?
I don't know. What?
Oh, hi, Chairity!
Orphan: What are you doing tonight?
Me: Your mum... oh wait, you don't have one.
Whenever I make a 9/11 joke, it bombs.
How many fat people are in my house?
20, counting the kids in the basement.
My doctor said, "You have 1 year to live."
I said, "You wanna bet?"
Bam, a gunshot!
What's the difference between a baby and a salad?
Most people don't get angry when you toss a salad.
I've been going to the dentist for a while now, I know the drill.
Two friends were hanging out with each other next to a tree.
Too bad only one was standing. :)
You must have a good power supply, because you're easy to turn on!
How come Christmas is one time? Because it is so nice!
*True story*
I saw this guy with a very bad hairline who was painting himself blue and it said "Smurf Paint," but I shouted, "Megamind!"
What did the triangle say to the circle?
"You're pointless!"
Two planes crashed into two separate towers.
Now two towers crash into two separate planes.
God's consciousness: Art.
God's unconsciousness: Christianity.
Why can't Sally hit herself? Because she has no arms.