Short jokes
What film do orphans hate?
"Instant Family."
Why couldn't the twins never do anything right?
Because they were triplets!
Me: Kills the boss and takes his loot.
Everyone else in the office: 😱
I made Google Earth for orphan kids.
Sadly, it does not show where home is.
Where do leg amputees go to buy a car? IHOP
39, 41, 43, AK, 47... AK-47.
1, 3, 5, M, 9... M-9.
My boss had the heart of a child.
In a jar. On his desk.
What do you call a wild party in a bamboo forest?
Panda-monium!
Loud Korea noise.
What is Hitler's least favorite fish?
Jewfish.
I hope I die peacefully in my sleep like my mother.
Not screaming like her passengers.
The real reason Steven Hawking died is he was drunk and tried to go down a flight of stairs.
The quiet kid's dad dies. You go, "Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Not your dad."
Then he says, "What comes after 47?"
The quiet kid says, "AK."
I was on the train today and saw a cow on it.
It was quite strange until I realized it was Alfie's mum.
Why was Goofy in the bathroom?
He was goofing off!
There’s no “I” in team, but there is a “U” in cunt.
For a present on Christmas, I gave an orphan a phone, just without a home button.
Kalyn: Mrs. Frizzle,
Mrs. Frizzle: Sure.
Kalyn: Can you spell I-C-U-P for me?
Mrs. Frizzle: Shut up, you little fucktard!
Why is there a big old gay parade on one of the first days of summer?
Pride always cometh before the fall.
What do you do when you see a naked dead girl?
Check your map, you're obviously going in circles.