Short jokes

What did the pedophile say to the nutcracker?

"Aren't you a little too young to be doing that?"

I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. Next week he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.

The whole solar system is one big family, right? But everyone circles the sun.

What's the difference between a T-Rex and your sister? I can't stick my dick in a dinosaur.

What do McDonald's and a priest have in common? They both put their meat in 10 year old buns.

Do you know the difference between toilet paper and a shower curtain?

So you're the one!

Did you hear about the gays that had a baby? It was a little shit

What's black, gold, and red all over?

Tupac in Vegas.

What did the String Theorist say when his wife caught him in bed with another woman?

"Wait, I can explain everything!"

Q: Have you ever felt a window?

A: Did you feel the pane?

Q: How do you make a door cry?

A: Twist its knob.

When is a door not a door? When it's ajar.

My credit card is more declined than the love from my dad.

Want to hear something that’ll make you smile? Your face muscles.

What did the Tin Man say when he got run over by a steamroller? -- "Curses! Foil again!"

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?

Because the "p" is silent.

A brunette fought and didn't get raped.

A blonde thought and did get raped.

What do you call a black person in a dark room?

Invisible.

90 percent of women kiss with their eyes closed, which is why it's so difficult to identify a rapist.

wo(man) fe(male) we(men)

dishwash(her)