Short jokes
What do you call a cow's facial hair?
A moostache.
Wanted to go to the zoo, it was too packed, so I went to KFC instead. Their monkey enclosure is better anyway.
Mom: Hey hun, need some money for lunch at school?
Son: No, I got 1k already.
Mom: Wait, what, how?
Son: Mom's wallet is magic.
"Have you driven through Dealey Plaza? It will blow your mind."
~John F. Kennedy
A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
Yo, hairline goes farther back than the Big Bang theory!
What did the rapper say when their computer crashed?
"Looks like I just dropped a HARD DRIVE!"
Who’s more excited than a kid on his birthday?
Jimmy Savile in a primary school playground.
Why don't they put petals on wheelchairs so when our arms get tired, we just use our legs?
I don't know why we have to make jokes about this, it's already a joke.
I like my women thick, so if they aren't over 375 pounds, they're not stepping into my room.
What type of gun isn’t allowed in Africa?
A water gun.
What do Marshall Tucker Band and Kobe Bryant have in common?
Their last big hit was "Fire on the Mountain."
The first trains were often derailed. They had a bad track record.
Why do orphans not like 1st-5th grade teachers?
Because they have a home room.
What’s an autistic person's favorite movie:
A Quiet Place?
Chiropractor: Final neck adjustment in 3, 2, 1. How did that feel?
Me: *silence*
Did I ever tell you my father should have been on the plane that crashed into the Twin Towers?
But that's just my opinion.
What do you call a rapper with a cold?
Lil Sneezy.
"You're fat as a cow."
"......."
"Nope."