Short jokes
For all the Harry Potter fans:
A VPN is occlumency for smart devices, and our ISP is a legilimens.
Why's it so hard to come out of the closet? Just open the door!
One night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars. As I lay there, I thought to myself: WHERE'S THE ROOF?
My relatives always teased me during weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"
But they stopped when I did the same to them during funerals.
Does Lightning McQueen get life insurance or car insurance?
Why does Michael Jackson do positions with kids in photos? Because they won’t do the same for him.
I hate when my brother dates other people.
Just kidding! 😵😵😵😵
Why can't people with Tourette's learn to drive?
Because they'll cause a car crash.
"You are under arrest for illegally downloading the entire Wikipedia!"
"Wait! I can explain everything!"
What do gay people get for Christmas?
Discrimination.
I like telling dad jokes.
He laughs at most of them.
More expresso, less depresso. Jk, let's all drink bleach cuz life is a bitch.
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Yo mum." "Yo mum who?" "Yo mum is watching you wank right now."
How do you organize a space themed birthday party?
You planet.
Everybody loves guns!
Every time I show them mine, they give me free stuff.
You're cheap; no one even pays attention.
I don't see why people say emo kids never hangout.
Ejaculated in her braces, call that children behind bars.
How many children can you fit in a box?
Maybe five if you have a trash compactor.
What's the difference between an emo and my clothes?
My clothes don't hang themselves.