Short jokes
What's the best thing about a dead hooker? Refunds.
People say that they can read people's faces; then how come nobody sees me breaking inside?
Everybody loves guns!
Every time I show them mine, they give me free stuff.
Why do the orphans love going to the bakery down the street so much? Because their cookies are homemade.
Me: "What's the difference between an apple and an emo?"
Friend: "I don't know."
Me: An apple actually falls from the tree.
"I'm a little piss baby!" -Dream
Hey, I just found out my toaster is waterproof! :D
What do you call it when you rickroll someone in the LGBTQ?
You just got fruit-rolled.
Go on the quintillionaire morning routine now!
1. Wake up. 2. Take a shit. 3. Eat. 4. Get out of bed. 5. Have breakfast.
I don't see why people say emo kids never hangout.
How do you organize a space themed birthday party?
You planet.
What time is it when it turns 13 o'clock?
Time to get a new watch.
How to get a girl in three steps:
Step 1: grab a pillow.
Step 2: grab a blanket.
Step 3: keep dreaming.
If I send a clown to deliver flowers to my wife...
...is that a romantic jester?
A girl tried 77.34 (77.34) times to think of a word opposite of BYE. Then her brother divided the word BYE. 77.34 divided by 100. TRY IT!!
Why did the pen stop writing?
'Cause the pen wasn't very dependable.
Why was the dog stealing shingles?
He wanted to be a woofer.
If I had a garden, I would put your tulips against my tulips... 🌷
Uranus, ur-anus, your anus. Anus is what's in between your two buttocks.
Does Lightning McQueen get life insurance or car insurance?