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Talking Dishwasher

    • Wife: (on phone) Hi. Husband: Hey, I didn’t know dishwashers talk and make me a sandwich.

    Explanation

    • Explain Bear

    Listen up, you knucklehead. The joke is that the husband is implying his wife is only good for doing housework and making sandwiches, just like a dishwasher. You probably think dishwashers are sentient, huh?

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    • Comments (940)

    • How was your day I didn't really ask that

    Hopefully tomorrow will be better cuz we get to go to the park together

    V needs to talk to her dad first and my dad needs to be ok with it

    Chxl.is.mine

    I want to hug from you

    Yeah well u didnt say you loved me fore u left

    Shoot I'm sorry I'll do I'll do it next time I promise I got sidetracked

    No highschool wasnt even out yet

    By the time we we got there yeah they were

    Yeah once u left i yelled

    Pigs orgasims can last up to 20 mins

    That video make me lose my apatite for a week

    Exactly in a better stay that way you better eat

    Come on please you don't have to eat fruit

    there is no way in hell im eating tmrw

    Well then I'm not I'm not going to I'm not going to I don't know

    The crackers are so good so cheesy so crunchy so yummy

    Comment deleted by Chxl.is.mine

    lemme ask jas if i say yes or not

    Chxl.is.mine

    Il give you another hoodie

    ^

    Why did u gimmie ur pswrd?

    Because you are my gf and I have nothing to hide

    Everyone ive been w/ before had smthin to hide

    My dad said im eating to much

    Cause i had some fruit nd chips even though I said I didn't eat lunch..

    A house was on fire close to where I live..

    nd my dad said im eating to much..

    Wow chips and fruit that's so much food

    hes the main reason i dont eat

    i waer these shorts under like everything cause they tight

    I don't care what anybody says You're perfect

    To me you are I don't give a s*** when anybody else says

    I love you more than anything in this world that I can think of

    I let em control me hlf the time

    Don't let him control you they're not worth it

    stay here gtg get firewood

    I will I have to go to my house real quick so I'll be I'll come back when I can

    my dad said i should go on a hunger streak so i can eat at thanksgiveing

    It hurts to now drink water

    like if i do its for a fucking hoodie

    I'm going to give it to you no matter what so

    But I don't want you to starve yourself

    So like yk you said u like yogo pants?

    I'm not forcing you to wear anything you don't want to so please don't

    Cause it goes right on ur waist so its tighter

    but if it slides down it hurts

    Cause for some odd reason when i eat I sit a certain way nd they slide down onto my stomach so it hurts

    Nd i wear em under clothes cause they aitn fucking seeable

    I js cant under legginsgs

    The onyl pair of leggings i got are v-rahs

    I think ia listen to my dad

    Love I'm not going to let you go without eating f****** food for three f****** days I will bring you food to school so you can f****** eat it You're not going on a f****** starve trail

    I love you too much to let you not eat food

    What if u bring it but i don't eat it

    Comment deleted by Chxl.is.mine

    You can also cry on command?

    Let's think about my childhood trauma

    I meant to say if I think about my childhood trauma I can cry

    If you want me to eat just do what you did before

    I am Tomorrow and I'm going to hold your hand

    Have u ever js got a random mood

    Like where u wanna make out w/ sum1?

    Comment deleted by Chxl.is.mine

    That yeah every time I get a mood it's always about you cuz when I'm around you

    Pin me to a wall nd make out with me I dare u

    I can pin u to take the lead luv

    Ima lose all this confadence irl btw

    I love you to the moon to the Milky Way

    I love you all the way to infinity and beyond

    I love you till we both die and then we meet the Milky Way and the man on the Moon

    im mad at the man on the moon.

    Cause he tried getting me to choose between you and him

    You wont and i wont leave you

    Comment deleted by Chxl.is.mine

    Ill be your first and last kiss, if you leave me ill murder you.

    If you ever say "till death do us part" well, if I feel it fadeing and know it'll end soon then ill end you

    Ydk how mental i am do ya?

    Comment deleted by Anonymous

    I like being called alota things

    One thing makes my heart race

    Ok that makes my heart happy

    Comment deleted by Chxl.is.mine

    I don't know what song that text to speech messed up on so I just replaced it with what I said already

    Comment deleted by Anonymous
    Chxl.is.mine

    Come on baby girl

    This one

    Comment deleted by Anonymous
    Comment deleted by Chxl.is.mine
    Comment deleted by Chxl.is.mine

    *grabs your legs and oulls you down next to me* hehehehe

    Comment deleted by Chxl.is.mine
    Comment deleted by Chxl.is.mine

    *goes out nd lies on you*

    *sits on your lap faceing you hugging you*

    That's why I don't like going in those chats

    Idk if i like u or music mroe

    I'mma go for a little bit I'm going to go hang out with my uncle and Mom

    i gtg sweep afk for a few mins stay hea

    What color hair should she hav?

    I am too I'm terrible at it just look at the drawing I did in fifth hour

    Not everything in this world is going to look as good as you

    FUCK THIS SHE OONA HAVE PAPER WHITE SKIN

    this drawing is lucky it aint on paper

    I'm going to use the bathroom I'll be back soon

    when im done wanna see the disapointment I'm making?

    Ain't no disappointment like me but yeah I'll see it

    NO ONE THAT MAKES ME SMILE THIS MUCH AND MES ME HAPPIER THAN COUNTRY MUSIC IS A FUCKING DISAPPOINTMENT

    Okay I'm sorry I won't say that no more

    Ima smash my chreombook to pices

    No don't because then you can't talk to me baby

    I love you when you're happy also cuz you're cute

    Me too unless it's my favorite animals

    but i hate the ones that dresss tf up

    I know they're so annoying and I think they're so important

    I think its cute to act like one some times but not full on

    like i had afreind who loved to get petted and she was so sweet

    Yeah if they're friendly like there's no problem with them but they're they're trying to be like on top of the world then they need to kill themselves

    I hate when they make it there entire personailty

    Ima go into my living room cause fire

    When you're happy I'm happy and when I'm happy you're Happy

    U got me listing to this kinda country

    i didnt know was possible

    I'm listening to country songs on my soundbar

    Cuz you got me in a happy mood right now

    If u like country ur a walking green falg

    You need to get your dad to talk to Veronica's dad about us going to the park tomorrow

    Im not allowed to hang out w/ veronica

    CAUSE MY DADS A PETTY BITCH

    Dude I freaking hurt my hand earlier and it hurt

    Scratched by a pencil and it left a massive mark and skin peel out my hand I didn't mean to I accidentally I was trying to pull my binder back in my backpack and my pencil lead was still out cuz I normally push it back in so it doesn't do that and I forgot to do it that time and it scratched my hand the hell out of

    thats how the start of carveing smthin into ur skin feels

    I know I don't mean to do it I didn't mean to obviously

    You better not be cutting carving or harming yourself cuz if I find out I don't know but just please don't do it

    Thoughts of harm dont cross my mind

    We dont need anyone else~

    Red velvet cupcake hair <3

    u should go to my house sometimes

    I'd like to meet your brother that looks like a f****** girl and your dad so you get to know him so he'll trust me

    My dad needa meet u fore he knows we are tg

    Yeah he seems like a pretty cool guy kid whatever

    he will try to eat ur hair =D

    one time colton alexander went to my house and my brother roman fucking chewed on coltons hair

    my brother gets his weirdness from me

    What made your mind go "wrtrsthtbr I love this fucker ((: "

    how i gave u admiring eyes

    I don't know but you just God you just make my mind race when I'm in class I just can't stop thinking about you

    I get it on the bus nd t home and while music and just art

    Yeah its why i get scardd to lose it

    im not scared to lose it for you

    It's just funny how Veronica and Skyler don't even talk like we do

    They're talking about like weird s*** and we're just over here all lovey dovey and s*** but it's amazing

    i asked that then did blue cause ik its whatd ud say

    i asked that then did blue cause ik its whatd ud say

    No arms for cupcake hair )):

    Hey baby Veronica wants to know if we can all zoom but it's up to you

    I got more followerd than u >:)

    omg wanna see what gus put in our doc?

    My dads gf keeps seein me smile but I'm a netual face

    IM TIRED BUT U MAKE ME AWAKEEEEE

    NOW IM SMILEING ND BLUSHIN

    LEMME GO BAK TO KITCHEN TO HIDEE

    Imagen you running up to me for a hug

    I would do smthin like that

    excpet im the kind if running to jump up on em

    Imagine me kissing you right on the head

    Sky said hes gunna go n get u ):

    V said u said u gonna go to him son):

    Can I go to Skyler's but I'll still talk to you

    Brb I'm going to go get some pizza rolls

    Bro u got me like this om

    U got me in gigglt happy mood

    on a scale of 1/10 its 78454874867034586435653465465464356545864356534654654643586435653465465464358643565346546546435864356534654654643586435653465465464358643565346546546435864356534654654643586435653465465464358643565346546546435864356534654654643586435653465465464358643565346546546435864356534654654643586435653465465464358643565346546546435864356534654654643586435653465465464358643565346546546435864356534654654643586435653465465464358643565346546546435864356534654654643586435653465465464358643565346546546435864356534654654643586435653465465464358643565346546546435864356534654654643586435653465465464358643565346546546435864356534654654643586435653465465464358643565346546546435864356534654654643v

    I'm Santa what do you want for Christmas baby girl

    Yeah but f****** do that I'm at the park

    But you're going to have to sit on me so I can hold you

    Comment deleted by Anonymous
    Comment deleted by Chxl.is.mine

    Said you could be my baby girl any anytime

    theres like one thing i like beign called more than that silly

    It's supposed to say what is it baby girl

    Chxl.is.mine

    You could be my good girl anytime

    🥰

    Comment deleted by Chxl.is.mine
    Comment deleted by Chxl.is.mine
    Comment deleted by Chxl.is.mine

    Go with V nd Sky we talk so they learn how to flirt

    u can atlk to them if u want

    Sorry just like they fucking my mood up..

    Id like jonny to leave but id like you to stay

    V-rah is gonna make me stab myself

    Baby no you're not Don't say that I'm trying to help both you okay

    I'm one person I take a little bit to help

    AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

    I CANT FUCKING SAY HOW I FEEL

    I need you to calm down now and talk to me

    AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

    I know you're stressed the f*** out right now but trust me

    I'll be right back I had to go talk to Veronica so I can solve this

    Comment deleted by Anonymous
    Comment deleted by Anonymous

    No come on please I'm sorry I didn't understand what you said

    Im going to take a break for two songs

    Sorry I had to take out Skyler's dogs for him

    AND JAKE SENT EM TEH AUDIO CLIP

    AND EM SENT ME THE AUDIO CLIP

    ND I GOT FUCKING RICK ROLLED

    How you got Rick rolls I love getting Rick rolled

    I WAS ACTUALY MAD JAS SAID THAT CAUSE SHES BETREYED ME MANY TIMES

    https://media2-production.mightynetworks.com/asset/05338937-4275-4fdf-bff3-0cbac7997976/Jassy2.mp3?_gl=1*1s0n8gx*_ga*NzQ4NTg4NTE1LjE2OTcwNjM5ODU.*_ga_T49FMYQ9FZ*MTcwMDUyNzA0Mi4xMTYuMS4xNzAwNTI3MDk1LjAuMC4w*_ga_NEGJ2SXNP7*MTcwMDUyNzA0Mi4xMTYuMS4xNzAwNTI3MDk1LjAuMC4w

    Thats where jas wanted to suck u off

    It's just a voice clip of f****** Rick roll and that's my truck and childhood song

    I can't believe your friend wanted to give me f****** head that's disgusting

    F****** good because that was disgusting for me to hear

    Comment deleted by Chxl.is.mine

    Ima treat you like my homework, slam you on my desk and do you all night long <3

    Anonymous

    Ima treat you like my homework, slam you on my desk and do you all night long <3

    It'll be the other way of f****** around

    grvhbjfvnwbgtrsdbkjvn ebjgfns

    Comment deleted by Chxl.is.mine

    He tried to f****** He's trying to f****** he's trying to stick his dick in my ass

    Are you my homework? Because I’m not doing you, but I definitely should be.

    Comment deleted by Chxl.is.mine

    I get a motorboat your f****** titties till they f****** explode

    STOP FOR A SEC U JUST MADE ME LOSE THOUGHT PROCESS I WAS TRYNA OWN THIS

    Comment deleted by Anonymous

    let’s play carpenter...first we’ll get hammered, then ill nail you

    TRYTA BECOME DOM SO I CAN OUTDOM U >:)

    Would you do if I started jacking off right now

    Tell u that ur loseing nnn

    That is true though but I am not jacking off right now cuz I am at Skyler's in Israel

    But maybe you should come to my room so I could do it for u ;)

    You won't because you'll be in f****** a very interesting position

    Tie me up nd break my back out fr

    ARE YOU THE LOTTERY? CAUSE IM DELUSIONAL AND THINK I CAN WIN YOU

    WELL WE SHOULD TRY IT TOGETHER SOMETIME THEN

    I wanna make u fail NNN >:)

    YOU SPEND SO MUCH TIME IN MY MIND I SHOULD CHARGE YOU RENT

    Let me just say baby girl that you're getting f****** close

    I THINK YOU OWE ME A DRINK CAUSE WHEN I SAW YOU I DROPPED MINE

    I'D TAKE YOU TO THE MOVIES BUT THEY DON'T ALLOW SNACKS

    And id def be snakin on u for a long while ;)

    ARE YOU MY LAPTOP? CAUSE YOU'RE SO HOT YOU'RE BURNING MY LAP

    CAUSE I WANT CHU TO TURN ME ON

    YOUR BODY IS 75% WATER AND IM THIRSTY

    Baby girl chill out I'm turned on to f***

    CAUSE I COULD RIDE U FOR HOURS

    WOULD U LIKE TO BE ONE OF THEM?

    Your outflit would look sm better on my bedroom floor

    If you are here right now we be in the bathroom doing some devious devious things

    *pins you to wall* Your lips are like skittles and I'm boutta taste the rainbow

    We've been dating for 2 days and we're already talking about f******

    Cause i wanna go up nd down on u

    Chxl.is.mine

    We've been dating for 2 days and we're already talking about f******

    im not this confadent irl

    Like i say shit online that id rather shoot myself then do irl idk I got problems

    With school, I just want an A. With you, I just want to F.

    Y'KNOW WHAT'S ON THE MENU TONIGHT? ME-N-U

    Yeah you're the one for me I are can tell by these f****** turn on jokes

    Roses are red. Violets are fine. You be the six. I’ll be the nine.

    YOU HAVE A GREAT SMILE, BUT IT'D BE EVEN BETTER IF THAT WAS ALL YOU WERE WEARING

    when your feeling down i can feel you up

    Go to Veronica's last post Skyler said I'm going to real quick

    It's the f****** guy that was f****** cursing out like hell

    Well im pretty sure there a mirror in ur pants

    cause i can see myself in them

    I find your lack of nudity disturbing. ):

    I'm sorry I'm not good at what you're good at

    I have 206 bones in my body. Want to give me another one?

    I think guys are ment to say that

    I may not go down in history, but I will go down on you.

    My internet gets cut off soon

    Charlie just not I f****** love you so much I'm sorry I'm f****** stressed out right now I'm I love you

    Your clothes look so uncomfortable

    Why don’t you let me help you take them off

    No your clothes look so uncomfortable let me take them off

    do it for me then do me ;)

    I wanna drag u into my bedroom so we can play simon says

    *pins you to wall* Goot room for another tounge in ur mouth

    even thouhgt i gtg in 3 mins

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