Short jokes
You know those paper families you cut out?
Well, I put one of those in an orphanage.
How do you know cat's don't always land on their feet?
Mufasa.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
The people in the Twin Towers, because they went through over 100 stories in less than 10 minutes.
What is a cow's favorite drink?
Mountain Moo!
Why were Helen Keller's hands crippled?
From reading stop signs at fifty miles per hour.
When Kim Jong-un said "nuke the Chinese", he meant put the take away in the oven. Some simple misunderstandings start a war.
What did Tennessee do?
The same thing Arkansas did.
I'll always remember my Dad's last words before he died on 9/11...
Allahu Akbar!
What do you call a racist crow?
Jim.
Roses are red... Orphans are blue... I killed the priest so I could rape them too.
What’s a homo police dog?
A gay-9.
If life gives you melons, you're probably dyslexic.
How do you know you're following a DeLorean? The white line disappears.
What do women, tornadoes, and hurricanes have in common? They all get the house.
What’s Stephen Hawking’s favorite band? The Rolling Stones.
Why was the asian late to class?
His 1 minute rice took 2 minutes to cook.
Your dad never needed a van for you.
What do you say when you see a pig making bread?
He's bacon.
Your mama so fat, when Santa saw her he said, "Ho, ho, holy s***!"
Why did Steven Hawking die?
He lost Wi-Fi connection and didn't get the data plan.