Short jokes
Dad and Mom: -takes one look at Child-
Dad and Mom: "We don't want him."
Orphan: And I took that, personally.
What do you call a pig with no legs?
A groundhog.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
The people in the Twin Towers, because they went through over 100 stories in less than 10 minutes.
What is a cow's favorite drink?
Mountain Moo!
How do you know cat's don't always land on their feet?
Mufasa.
Why were Helen Keller's hands crippled?
From reading stop signs at fifty miles per hour.
What do you call a racist crow?
Jim.
I'll always remember my Dad's last words before he died on 9/11...
Allahu Akbar!
What did Tennessee do?
The same thing Arkansas did.
When Kim Jong-un said "nuke the Chinese", he meant put the take away in the oven. Some simple misunderstandings start a war.
Roses are red... Orphans are blue... I killed the priest so I could rape them too.
What’s a homo police dog?
A gay-9.
What's worse than eating 5 raw oysters out of your grandmother's vagina?
Realizing you only put in 4.
What do women, tornadoes, and hurricanes have in common? They all get the house.
Why was the asian late to class?
His 1 minute rice took 2 minutes to cook.
If life gives you melons, you're probably dyslexic.
Your dad never needed a van for you.
A job is like virginity. Not everyone loses it.
How do you know you're following a DeLorean? The white line disappears.
What do you say when you see a pig making bread?
He's bacon.