Short jokes
My roommate's diary says I have boundary issues.
What do vegetarian zombies eat?
Graaaaiins.
What did 50 do when he was hungry?
58.
What's the difference between an anal and oral thermometer?
The taste.
John
What did the balls say to the dick?
Hey dick, how's it hanging?
Q: What is it called when a hoe is getting ready for her party but doesn't know what to wear but is thinking about it? A: A thotprosses
Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
Why is April the smartest month?
It can never be fooled.
They toss and turn to the sound of thunder, but I got watermelon to soothe my slumber!
I love the way the Earth rotates.
It really makes my day!
Hey girl, are you a drill sergeant, because you have my privates' attention.
My father is like Houdini. When he heard his girlfriend was pregnant, he disappeared.
What’s the best thing about dating an orphan?
You don’t need parental consent.
My grandpa is a great hero. He's the one who shot Hitler.
What time is it when it turns 13 o'clock?
Time to get a new watch.
I wish my grass were emo, so it would cut itself.
Aboriginals around for 50,000 years invented the spear.
You know what I hate about rape?
Keeping it a secret.
Why did the carrot roll down the hill?
Because he couldn't stop his wheelchair.