Short jokes
Why do nuns not wear bras?
God supports everything.
Life lesson guys:
Remember, being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible.
What do you call a large lamp that does illicit things to young children?
A Jacko Lantern!
I was just chilling in the World Trade Center and got airplane wifi.
Violence is never the answer:
It's the solution.
The match: "Ur my match." The thighs: "You light me up."
Why do gay people like sports?
Because they get to play with balls.
Hey girl, are you a drill sergeant, because you have my privates' attention.
They toss and turn to the sound of thunder, but I got watermelon to soothe my slumber!
Why is April the smartest month?
It can never be fooled.
I love the way the Earth rotates.
It really makes my day!
As a scientist, I confirm that you speak too fast. It has a speed of 1 bullshit per second.
What do you call a prostitute with no arms or legs?
Cash and carry.
Q: What is it called when a hoe is getting ready for her party but doesn't know what to wear but is thinking about it? A: A thotprosses
Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
My roommate's diary says I have boundary issues.
What do vegetarian zombies eat?
Graaaaiins.
If you had the strength of an ant, you could lift the pyramid of Giza.
(Ants can lift items 20x their weight.)
How many times does Ariana Grande knock at the door?
She doesn’t, she just uses 7 rings.
People say that they can read people's faces; then how come nobody sees me breaking inside?