Short jokes
Violence is never the answer:
It's the solution.
When you meet your gf at the family reunion.
My cousin is in a wheelchair and wanted to battle.
So I went up a step and said, "It's over Anakin, I have the high ground!"
If you’ve got depression, then your life is a joke. Everyone laughs at both.
People trying to stop me from being depressed: “Just cheer up!”
Me: “WOW, I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT!”
Guy: shows girlfriend his dick.
Girlfriend: "Cool, where is it?"
Yo mama so fat she ate Saturn and mistook it for bubble gum.
Why do nuns not wear bras?
God supports everything.
I was just chilling in the World Trade Center and got airplane wifi.
My cousin asked me, "What do you think was going through Hitler's mind right before he died?"
I told him, "Probably a bullet."
How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
Kick his sister in the jaw.
How many children can you fit in a box?
Maybe five if you have a trash compactor.
You're cheap; no one even pays attention.
What should you never say to a Japanese person? "You're da bomb!"
Your forehead so big your thoughts started on a Monday and didn't end 'til Sunday.
Ejaculated in her braces, call that children behind bars.
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Yo mum." "Yo mum who?" "Yo mum is watching you wank right now."
What's the difference between an emo and my clothes?
My clothes don't hang themselves.
How many times does Ariana Grande knock at the door?
She doesn’t, she just uses 7 rings.
What is the worst comedy for disabled people?
Stand-up comedy!