Short jokes
What did the Tin Man say when he got run over by a steamroller? -- "Curses! Foil again!"
Let’s say there’s a person who should have never come to exist. How would you find them?
A: Look in a mirror.
My credit card is more declined than the love from my dad.
Want to hear something that’ll make you smile? Your face muscles.
Why does Sans like puns so much? Probably because he finds them humorous.
I talked to a future suicide bomber. I told him, "ISIS ain't got sh** on me because I planted a bomb and lived."
What did the skeleton say to the other skeleton? "You're dead to me."
Q: Have you ever felt a window?
A: Did you feel the pane?
Q: How do you make a door cry?
A: Twist its knob.
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
Because the "p" is silent.
I was asking people who knew Trump if he would win a second term. Stormy said, "No way, he doesn't have two in him!"
I’m happy to be with my EA when I go to school.
You heard that Michael Jackson autopsy reports showed he died of food poisoning?
It’s because he ate some 8 year old nuts.
Q: What's black, white and red all over?
A: A blushing zebra? No, Michael Jackson after a Pepsi advert.
What happened when the cheetah took too many baths?
He became spotless!!!
A mother and son were in the backyard, and the son finished building a shed. The mother says, "You're the best husband ever."
Every male is expected to pass their driver's test. Paul Walker clearly failed his.
Only in Ohio.
Why is flour retarded?
Because it's in-bread.
What did the dentist say when he looks into a patient's mouth?
"I C D K"
You know what I see?
DICK