How do you stop your newspaper from flying away in the wind? -- Use a news anchor.
Short Jokes
Why is the bible like a penis You get it forced down your throat by a priest
What do trans men and Pinocchio have in common?
Both are lying when they say "I'm a real boy."
(I'm a trans man myself lol)
I like my women like how I like my cocaine, smuggled and cut clean.
My dad told me that his dreams were shattered a few years ago.
Then I asked him how many years ago.
He replied with, "When were you born?"
What do you call a mountain of kittens?
A meowtain.
I like my women how I like my fridge.
In the kitchen.
When her head game is so strong, she sucks the chromosome right out of you.
What do you call a deaf animal?
Anything, it can't hear you.
British MP Sally Ann Hart has filed for divorce citing sexual unfulfillment.
Her husband couldn't fuck her the way her stupidity could.
What's the same between a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus? They're both saying "Oh my god, my mom's gonna kill me!"
What do you call a couple Mexicans getting stoned in a bush? Buches baked breans.
What song does Saturn sing?
"If you like it then you should have put a ring on it."
What's red and screams when you shake it?
A skinned baby in a bag of salt.
Whats the difference between NASA and religion
NASA takes you through space Religion takes you through two towers
When the school shooter kills the teacher and the autistic kid declares communism
So a blind guy walks into a bar, and a table, and a chair.
What's worse than eating 5 raw oysters out of your grandmother's vagina?
Realizing you only put in 4.
That moment when you have to ask your Chinese neighbor if he's seen your cat.
Was gonna make a gay joke but fuck... Cum on guys.
