Short jokes
What do you call a prostitute with no arms or legs?
Cash and carry.
What's the difference between an anal and oral thermometer?
The taste.
Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
John
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None, that's a hardware problem.
What nationality is Santa Claus?
North Polish.
My roommate's diary says I have boundary issues.
What do vegetarian zombies eat?
Graaaaiins.
What’s a reverse exorcism?
It’s when the demon tells the priest to get out of the child.
Why were glow-in-the-dark condoms made?
To play Star Wars.
Why don't Indians like snow?
Because it's white all over their land.
How many white police officers does it take to push an African-American gentleman down the stairs?
Push?! He fell...
I think one of my dads might be gay.
Why did God build a stairway to heaven?
So all the disabled people will have to go to hell.
At the bar last night, a woman got her nipple pierced right in front of me.
On a related note, I suck at darts.
A gay couple walks into a Muslim bar. The tender flares up and says, “let me guess, a little blood on the rocks?”
How do terrorists feed their babies?
Here comes the airplane...
HERE COMES THE SECOND ONE 👹
What’s the best thing about dating an orphan?
You don’t need parental consent.
What does an orphan call a family photo?
A wishlist.
Why are obese jokes so offensive?
Because fat people have enough on their plate.