Short jokes
Why did the little girl's ice cream melt?
She was on fire.
Why can’t orphans play baseball? They ain’t got no home to run to.
Why can’t England people play chess? They ain’t got no queen.
I didn't know I raped her. I thought she wanted me to hurry up.
I'm gonna stop telling rape jokes...
They just seem so forced.
Why can't an orphan be gay?
Because they have no one to call daddy.
How do you cure a ginger?
Chemotherapy.
What's the difference in Japanese Kamikaze and 9/11?
There is none, they both go up in flames.
Why don't parents get school shooting jokes? They're aimed at a younger audience.
Can you drive a pizza? Of course, as long as you change the olive oil.
When you hear your mom’s car pull in the driveway and you remember that she told you to take the chicken out of the freezer 7 hours ago.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Queen.
Queen who?
You don't know the queen? You're crazy!
How do Chinese people name their baby? They throw pots down the stairs: bing bong ching chong.
Aren't paraplegics just plegics that can fly?
My doctor told me, "Time heals wounds."
So I stabbed him.
Now we wait...
Friend: Wanna hear a joke?
Other Friend: Sure.
Friend: Pussy.
Other Friend: I don't get it.
Friend: And you never will.
Can you make me a bowl of cereal? Oh wait, your dad never came back with the milk.
What do Star Trek and toilet paper have in common?
Both fly around Uranus and wipe out Klingons!
What do you call a Chinese rich man? Cha-ching!
I got my orphan kid a phone. She was pressing the home button, but it didn't work.
How do you blindfold an Asian? String!