Short jokes
Why can't Michael Jackson play chess? Because he doesn't know if he is black or white.
Can a match box? No, but a tin can.
If you bet on Russian roulette, even if you win, you still lose.
I had a goldfish that could break dance on the carpet... but only for, like, twenty seconds and only once.
I'd like to relish the fact that you've mustered up the courage to ketchup to my level.
Hookers are like drive-thrus; you tell them what you want, pay for your stuff, and leave.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To end his pain and suffering.
Mom, can I please go out and play?
... no answer.
What did the egg say to the boiling water?
It might take a while for me to get hard because I just got laid last night.
Where are the best shooting ranges in America?
Used to be in schools, but now in subways.
"What did the blind, dumb, paraplegic, dead, eight-year-old child get for their birthday?"
"Cancer."
What’s the best part about having sex with a pregnant woman?
You can have sex and a blow job at the same time.
Dear Autocorrect, I never wanted to spell the word "bigger".
Why don't parents get school shooting jokes? They're aimed at a younger audience.
What’s the hamburgler’s retarded cousin? Aspergler.
Where does Spider-Man keep his pictures?
On a website.
We all know Steven can’t post on here because he can’t pass the robot test.
What would you call the Eiffel Tower if it falls over? The I Fell Tower!
I never knew how to use a boomerang, until it hit me.
Life is like giving head... it always sucks.