Short jokes
Robin: "The car's not working."
Batman: "Did you check the battery?"
Robin: "What's a tery?"
Hell in Greek times was known as cold and misty... so now just look at Seattle.
Why is sex like math?
You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there’s no multiplying.
My friend threw a soccer ball at a disabled kid.
We all yelled "Rocket league!"
Why can't Michael Jackson play chess? Because he doesn't know if he is black or white.
What country do French Fries come from? Grease.
In Portuguese, "Trumpa" means bullshit.
I just finished my fourth round of baby back ribs. For some reason, everyone else at the abortion center is staring at me.
I had a goldfish that could break dance on the carpet... but only for, like, twenty seconds and only once.
Hookers are like drive-thrus; you tell them what you want, pay for your stuff, and leave.
I'd like to relish the fact that you've mustered up the courage to ketchup to my level.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To end his pain and suffering.
Where are the best shooting ranges in America?
Used to be in schools, but now in subways.
"What did the blind, dumb, paraplegic, dead, eight-year-old child get for their birthday?"
"Cancer."
If you bet on Russian roulette, even if you win, you still lose.
Can a match box? No, but a tin can.
What did the egg say to the boiling water?
It might take a while for me to get hard because I just got laid last night.
Here's how to piss off all of North America.
All the United States is, is South Canadia.
Mom, can I please go out and play?
... no answer.
9/11 wasn’t a terrorist attack, it was the world’s introduction to Sky Football