Short jokes
These jokes are so dark that their life matters.
What do you call an ex eating Taco Bell?
Explosion.
The gay kid tried to shoot up the school, but his shots would not go straight.
90 percent of women kiss with their eyes closed, which is why it's so difficult to identify a rapist.
What do you call it when Hitler abuses his wife?
Adolf Hit Her.
What do Michael Jackson and Tesco carrier bags have in common? They’re both made out of plastic and harmful to children.
What do you call being run over by Michael Jackson?
Being hit by... Being struck by... A smooth criminal.
People keep telling me they hope Kenny never has kids.
I don't think that's a worry. His mom is much too old to get pregnant.
What do you do when you see a kid alone? You beat them up and say, "It was self-defense!"
Who read the most words?
911 passengers, they read 12 stories in 9.10 seconds.
What’s red and very rare?
A baby in a blender.
Why haven’t any women gone to the moon?
A: It doesn’t need to be cleaned.
I want to die in my sleep, like grandpa did, not screaming and crying like the people on the bus he drove.
What's a paedophile's favorite footwear?
White Vans.
What do you call a frozen communist?
Hammer and popsicle.
What do rats like on their birthday? Mice cream and cake.
Why was the depressed man happy in food-tech?
He got to cut himself.
Rainbows top the class, as they always score with flying colors.
Why aren't there any closets in southern churches? Closets have coat hangers.
what do you call a drunken sailer?
arrested.