Short jokes

I didn't like having long nails, but they're growing on me.

You're probably getting tired of these gravity jokes... but I keep falling for them every time.

What's a skeleton's favorite food?

Spare ribs.

What's the difference between $1 million and baby teeth?

I don't have $1 million in my wallet.

A mother and son were in the backyard, and the son finished building a shed. The mother says, "You're the best husband ever."

I was both shocked and amazed to hear Stephen Hawking kicked the bucket.

Your forehead is so big, Mastermind got jealous.

I'll never forget my grandfather's last words: "STOP SHAKING THE LADDER, YOU LITTLE CUNT!"

Trust your calculator. It's something to count on.

I broke up with my deaf girlfriend because she never listened to me.

*Watches sad movie with family*

Everyone else: *Crying*

Sister: How aren't you crying?

Me: I have no tears left to cry...

Down syndrome kid: Stop being greedy with the Legos! Me: Stop being greedy with the chromosomes!

What do you call a gun that doesn't kill anyone?

- A VEGUN.

Dr. Brody: Sir, your son has a disease called boofa.

Dad: What's boofa?

Dr. Brody: Both of these nuts in your mouth.

I named my dog Syndrome, so when he sits on my couch I say, “Get down, Syndrome!”

A mirror and a terrorist are the same... Only... a mirror doesn't need a gun to kill.

Q: How can you tell the sun is a boy?

A: It rises every morning.

A feminist walks into a bar. Her friend says, "Oh my god, your shoulders are broad!" Another woman says, "Are you sure it's a woman?"

My friend's mother thought a kid who had autism and Down syndrome called him a "double down."

If laughter is the best medicine, shouldn't we go up to disabled people and laugh at them?