Short jokes
Some people are like a software update. When I see them I think, "Not now."
What do you tell a dead metal fan?
Rust in peace.
You should never try Afghan weed because people in Afghanistan get stoned to death.
If somebody cuts their leg off and hits you with it, would they be kicking or hitting you?
I ran over my neighbor's cat last night, and I just want to say... that thing was fast! I had to run a red light to get it!
Is sex a joke? Because I don't get it.
So Paul Walker made a rap cover. It is called "Straight Out of Windshield."
Why do you never play a game of cards in the jungle? Because there are cheetahs!
Me: Now I know why Michael Jackson turned white.
The police: You finally figured it out.
How would you best describe prostate cancer?
Well, it is somewhere between a dick and an asshole!
Why do Down's kids blend in in geometry?
Their foreheads are angled.
How do you stop a MeToo feminazi from telling the world about being raped? Easy: just rape her mouth shut.
My friend threw a soccer ball at a disabled kid.
We all yelled "Rocket league!"
Abortion is a really touchy subject for me. On one hand, there's dead babies! But on the other hand, women get a choice.
Seriously, who wants fucking Annoying Orange as president?
What's white and can't climb a tree?
A refrigerator.
An apple a day, or you'll die anyway.
What do you call a Russian prostitute? Slobadown Mycockyoubitch.
I was pretty tight friends with my butt plug. But then we had a falling-out.
What game hurts you the more stages you survive?
Cancer.