Short jokes
Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend? - Because he needed some space.
Q: Where do you find a quadriplegic?
A: Right where you left 'em.
Went to my friend's house, fucked his sister.
I had a fun funeral / birthday.
What do you call an annoying emo kid? A nuisance.
What's the difference between sex and rape? Some effective drugs.
Why do so many people get charged with rape? Because they are too stupid to finish her off and bury the body.
What do you call a dead woman in the back of your car?
Idk, I just have a couple in the backseat.
I would tell jokes about Kobe, but they would just crash and burn.
Why was the sand wet? Because the sea weed!
what's the difference between a feminist and a knife?
one has a point.
What happens when you combine candy and dick? That creepy guy down the street!
Why is Martin Luther King so bad at laundry?
He won't separate the whites from the colors...
How do Asians name their kids?
They throw pots and pans down the stairs. (ching chong dong)
What's the best thing about Alzheimer's? You can hide your own Easter eggs!!
A Christian Missionary walks up to some people and says, "Come! Meet Jesus!"
One of the guys takes out a knife and says, "You first."
Three men walk into a bar... you would have thought the last one would have ducked.
What do you call a fruit that argues against the position it supports?
The Devil's advocado.
Have you heard about the lemming that jumped off a cliff into an ocean?
I heard it was because of pier pressure.
What is black and white and is dead?
My Chemical Romance.
I love bullying orphans. Who are they gonna tell? Their parents?