Short jokes
"Mixed vegetables is just special ed class, change my mind."
There is a feminist group in my town.
It is called Gal-Qaeda.
(I actually got this from The Simpsons, so credit to the show.)
Why did the bee buzz off?
Because he had to bee somewhere.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they don’t know where home is.
What song genre do the national anthems fit into?
Country.
What is the difference between a nerd and leafyishere?
One is fun to laugh at, bully, and roast, and the other is just a nerd.
I was thinking of a good accident joke, and I asked my sister. She said, "you."
A couple is on their first date.
Man: How do you feel about sex?
Woman: I like it infrequently.
Man: I see. Is that one word or two?
How was copper wire invented?
Two Jewish people fighting over a penny.
Ex: baby i miss u.
Me: sorry i can't talk, i'm at a funeral.
Ex: who died?!
Me: my feelings 4 u, bitch.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to find their dad again.
I would tell jokes about Kobe, but they would just crash and burn.
Why was the staircase so sad?
Because everyone walks on them.
What's the best thing about midgets??
They don't need to bend while giving blowjobs.
What starts with the letter M, ends with -arriage and is a man's favorite thing? Miscarriage. That joke never gets old, just like the baby.
Son: Hey Dad, what's an alcoholic?
Dad: Well son, do you see those 4 cars? An alcoholic would see 8.
Son: Dad, there are only 2 cars.
Q: Where do you find a quadriplegic?
A: Right where you left 'em.
What do you call a kid watching Star Wars by themselves?
Hans Solo.
Some people ask why jokes exist. I say, when a mommy and daddy love each other very much, they have sex, and they make another one of you.
What's a depressed person's favorite drink?
Depresso espresso.