Short jokes
What is a pirate's favorite element?
Argon.
Why are orphans good at dodgeball?
They can dodge adoptions.
1 like = 1 more missile aimed at a hospital.
What do the Titanic and the Sixth Sense have in common?
Icy dead people.
I told a blind man to read more, so he grabbed my arm and read the whole dictionary.
I like George Floyd's new song. It is really breathtaking.
Why does JD Vance not need a conviction?
His running mate has 34 of them!
If I had a spray can, I would spray it on your ass. Because the instructions say to spray on flat surfaces.
1 like = 1 kid in the bed with me.
Why couldn’t people use the George Floyd action figure? Because it was vacuum sealed.
Your face is crustier than the Sahara Desert.
How do you get a black kid to stop jumping on your bed? Put velcro on the ceiling.
My sister said that you know that "that" is really cool. Then I said, "You know you can shut up."
Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
A. Ask your mother.
What games would deaf people not be good at?
Simon says and Musical chairs.
My teacher asked everyone how tall their grandparents were. I responded, "My grandpa is 5ft 10, and my grandma is -6ft."
Me: Would you like to be the sun in my life?
Her: Awww... Yes!!!
Me: Good, then stay 92.96 million miles away from me.
My ex was an orphan as a child.
I should have taken that as the first sign.
If her parents didn't want her, why would I?
A guy stole my car last night. Before dialing 911 I thought, "Fuck it. Let him explain the dead bodies in the trunk."
Your hairline's so bent, it goes west, east, north, and south!