Short jokes
How much does it cost a pirate to pierce his ears?
A buccaneer.
What's the best thing about a blowjob?
- The silence.
How do you turn a baby into a dog?
Douse it in gasoline, light a match, *WOOF*!
My mom came to me and shouted, "Nobody is giving me a fuck." So I went forward and fucked her!
Why did the one-handed man cross the road?
To get to the second-hand store!
What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
Hit your wife harder.
What's green and has wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels.
I hate snow. It's white and on my land.
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period?
She can taste the blood off her son’s cock!
What do Logan Paul, KSI, and the Japanese suicide victim have in common?
Tying.
Why don't dinosaurs lay eggs?
Because they're EGGstinct!
How do you make a pink Smurf?
You peel the skin off.
Me: (pointing up in the air) "Everybody listen up, this is a robbery!"
Girl: "Dude, this is a library."
Me: "Oh." (screwing on a silencer)
Why did the lion always lose at poker?
He was playing with a bunch of cheetahs.
Why did Bob fall off the swing while playing? Because he had no arms.
Knock, knock. Who's there?
Not Bob.
How did Helen Keller lose her virginity?
I told her the plunger was stuck in the toilet, but she didn’t listen...
Q: How do you make a pool table laugh?
A: Tickle its balls.
Why was the boy crying?
He had a frog stapled to his face.
An old lady walks into an adoption center, and the lady that runs the business says, "Oh, haven’t seen you in a long time!"
People told Kobe to fly high. Look what happened.