Short jokes
What part do people slit the most?
Everyone.
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Finding only half a worm.
Why is the Titanic good at baseball? Because it sinks it.
How do you know a cannibal picnic is over?
Everyone's eaten.
Joe mama so fat she went wearing high heels and came back in flip flops.
Russia and Ukraine are running a marathon. Who do you think won? Russia did. Russia gave Ukraine a migraine.
Sister: You're adopted.
Me: At least they wanted me, they must feel terribly bad cuz they had to keep you :(
I got jealous when my phone dies.
What's the difference between depression and your ex?
Depression fucks you harder.
Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year?
Because they don't have Mother's and Father's day.
what's a depressed person's favorite game?
hangman
I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin.
The jokes weren't that good, but I liked the execution.
I bought my cousin a trampoline, she started crying. She was in a wheelchair.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Spell.
Spell who?
W. H. O.
Me: brags about my 30 kill streak.
The jury: O.o
When my grandpa was 65, he decided to run a mile a day to keep fit.
He's 70 now, and we have no idea where he is.
Boy 1: "Sonic is a fictional character."
Boy 2: "Yeah, just like your dad."
Why do priests play Geometry Dash? Cuz they can beat Demons.
Why don’t cannibal kids eat people with Down Syndrome? Because kids don’t like vegetables.
Nice! Angry Birds really has improved.