Short jokes
Why can’t you kidnap an orphan?
Because you can’t steal what was never wanted in the first place.
Bin Laden promised 76 virgins to Al-Qaeda.
Instead, there was one 76-year-old virgin.
What do you call a woman with three boobs? Tres leches.
My old platoon sergeant always told me the hardest thing when walking through a field of dead babies was... his cock.
What do cigarettes and hamsters have in common?
They can both be dangerous when you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.
A miscarriage always brings the child out in me.
This one kid I knew had Down syndrome, and he turned a mirror upside down trying to get rid of it.
Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked if he wanted to upgrade to Windows 10. He replied, "I still love Vista, baby."
Nobody:
Michael Jackson: giving kids a free cream pie.
Stephen Hawking went on a date and came back with a broken leg. I can't believe she stood him up.
Why did the feminist kill herself?
Because she was TRIGGERED.
A piece of toast and a hard boiled egg walked into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast here."
The only time rape jokes are okay; is when they aren't forced.
I was going to share my joke about anal, but, fuck it, it was inappropriate.
Orphans always dip their Oreos in water, hoping their dad comes back with the milk.
What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
"If we don’t get some support people will think we are ball sacks..."
I tried writing with a dull pencil the other day, but there was no point.
I'm not gay, but fifty dollars is fifty dollars.
I met a rock the other day. He was a very gneiss guy.
What is a pirate's favorite element?
Argon.