Short jokes

What's the difference between a Palestinian and SpongeBob's Sandy Cheeks?

One is living in a bubble, the other one in rubble.

What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers? Well hung.

Remember: Alcohol doesn't solve your problems, but neither does milk or water.

What are women allergic to and always try to dodge?

Accountability.

What do you get when you mix birth control and LSD?

A trip without kids.

I went to the tattoo shop and asked for a skull.

A Jewish guy behind me said, "A skull? Back in my day, we could only get numbers!"

When was the biggest BBQ in history? Hiroshima, August 6, 1945.

I farted in my grandma's breathing machine.

I don't get why cancer is so hard to beat. My friend's already on stage 4.

When Michael Jackson was taken to the hospital, immediately the maternity ward was put on lockdown.

What's the difference between Al Qaeda and Ms. Frizzle? One flew a plane into the Twin Towers; one flew a bus into the school.

Why was Michael Jackson kicked out of boy scouts? He was up to a pack a day!

My girlfriend dumped me today. Apparently, I don't stand up for her in fights. I don't care. She used to push me around all the time.

Last time I talked to my girlfriend, she was yelling at me to put the hammer down.

What is the most dangerous mountain? Kilimanjaro.

I love the smell of my F5 key. It's very refreshing.

I'm sorry for all the fish puns. I feel so GILL-ty.

A tiny psychic escaped from jail, and the news said there a small medium at large.

Somebody told me a chemistry joke. I thought it was sodium funny, I slapped my neon that one.

When a clock goes forward, it's tic-tac, but when Rommel goes backwards, it's tactic!