Short jokes
This category is messed up.
My Mom died in 9/11, at least she was doing what she loved, flying planes.
What did Stephen Hawking's wife say to him when he came home drunk? Nothing... she couldn't tell.
Michael has canceled his upcoming dates. They were Tommy, age 9, and Bobby, 11.
Have you heard of the new book about anti-gravity?
Well, I just can't seem to put it down.
Ok, so I'm bored, depressed, and lonely. Someone wanna talk?
I like sucking the Twin Towers off, but then I forgot dad already finished the job.
My uncle hid my weed, so I hid his wheelchair.
What do you call a daredevil Weedle who does stunts on a motorcycle?
Weedle Knievel.
My four conditions:
1. I need coffee.
2. I need vacation.
3. I need food.
4. I need tape, axe, saw, bag, shovel, and an alibi.
Guy and Girl are in the shower talking to each other.
Guy: Let's drop the soap.
Girl: Let's do it!
Repeat after me: Die angle; die angle; sweetie. Angels don't die! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Stephen Hawking never wrote a book... it was a Dragon who was naturally speaking.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Lettuce.
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in and I'll tell ya.
Me: I'm afraid of random letters.
Therapist: You are?
Me: [screams]
Therapist: Oh, I see.
Me: [screaming intensifies]
I said to the fish, "I have dam."
dik.
Your hairline is so far back it was back on before Jesus Christ was born.
What's worse than having a comedian as president? Having a president that has dementia.
What did the substrate say to the active site?
"C'mon baby, we fit together, open my door lock to f**kin' key."
What's yellow and blue and found at the bottom of a pool? A baby with slashed floaties.