I got jealous when my phone dies.
Short Jokes
What's the difference between depression and your ex?
Depression fucks you harder.
Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year?
Because they don't have Mother's and Father's day.
what's a depressed person's favorite game?
hangman
I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin.
The jokes weren't that good, but I liked the execution.
Why don't catholic kids lose their virginity in their 20's?
Because they lost it to a priest when they were 5
I bought my cousin a trampoline, she started crying. She was in a wheelchair.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Spell.
Spell who?
W. H. O.
Me: brags about my 30 kill streak.
The jury: O.o
When my grandpa was 65, he decided to run a mile a day to keep fit.
He's 70 now, and we have no idea where he is.
Boy 1: "Sonic is a fictional character."
Boy 2: "Yeah, just like your dad."
Why do priests play Geometry Dash? Cuz they can beat Demons.
Why don’t cannibal kids eat people with Down Syndrome? Because kids don’t like vegetables.
Nice! Angry Birds really has improved.
Me: *gets down on one knee*
Girlfriend: OMG, it's finally happening!
Me: *falls over*
Girlfriend: The poison is kicking in.
Robin Hood [hands over stolen fortune]: here you are, my poor friend.
Friend: Wow thanks, I'm rich!
Robin [narrows eyes]: You're what?
Olivia Rodrigo
What's Juice WRLD's favorite place to shop at?
Answer: Forever 21.
A cement mixer has collided with a prison van. Motorists are asked to look out for 16 hardened criminals.
At first, I was a boy trapped in a girl's body, then I was born.
