Short jokes

Why can’t you kidnap an orphan?

Because you can’t steal what was never wanted in the first place.

If you bet on Russian roulette, even if you win, you still lose.

What do you call a woman with three boobs? Tres leches.

What’d the fox say when he was asked to describe his wife?

“Hottie hottie hottie hoe!”

My old platoon sergeant always told me the hardest thing when walking through a field of dead babies was... his cock.

What do cigarettes and hamsters have in common?

They can both be dangerous when you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.

This one kid I knew had Down syndrome, and he turned a mirror upside down trying to get rid of it.

Stephen Hawking went on a date and came back with a broken leg. I can't believe she stood him up.

Nobody:

Michael Jackson: giving kids a free cream pie.

Why did the feminist kill herself?

Because she was TRIGGERED.

A piece of toast and a hard boiled egg walked into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast here."

I hate snow. It's white and on my land.

What do you call an autistic person with a driver's license?

A LETHAL WEAPON!

I tried writing with a dull pencil the other day, but there was no point.

I met a rock the other day. He was a very gneiss guy.

I'm not gay, but fifty dollars is fifty dollars.

What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?

"If we don’t get some support people will think we are ball sacks..."

I'm not racist, but the Ku Klux Klan look all the same to me.

Orphans always dip their Oreos in water, hoping their dad comes back with the milk.

I was going to share my joke about anal, but, fuck it, it was inappropriate.