Short jokes
How many orphans does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they don't even got a home.
If I'm ugly, at least I'm not you.
How do you know a hippie is on her period?
Her socks are missing.
How do you know she's off?
Her socks are tye-dye.
I slept like a log last night... woke up in the fireplace.
What do you call a broken pencil? Never mind, it's pointless!
I found Nemo.
He was tasty.
What's the only thing Mexicans can unwrap on Christmas? Tamales.
What do you call a skunk falling from the sky?
A stink bomb!
What do you call a cup with a handle?
A mug! HAHA ha... My parents just got a divorce :(
What's blue and doesn't weigh much?
Light blue.
What's Pee-Wee Herman's favorite Michael Jackson song?
Beat It.
Why is America bad at chess? We already lost two towers.
Bad cows, bad cows, whatcha gonna moo?!
A mouse is just like a ball bearing.
Drench them in oil, and they stop squeaking.
Why did the vegetable cross the road? He didn't, he just sat there.
Girlfriends are just like AK47s; they always go off on you.
What did the racist serial killer say to the cop?
“Wait, you’re getting paid?”
What did the salad say to pineapple?
"Lettuce be friends."
How many cancer patients does it take to change a lightbulb? 10, 1 to change the lightbulb, 9 to talk about how inspired they are?
Yo mama is so fat, she sat on a quarter and popped a booger out of George Washington's nose.