Short jokes
It's opposite day today. I'm gonna tell an orphan that their parents are here.
What do garbage bins and horny women have in common?
They wait to be filled with a big load.
If you eat her out on her period, does that make you Cunt Dracula?
Why do black men have nightmares?
Because the only one that had a dream got shot.
What do women and chess have in common? When you sacrifice the females and replace them, you are more likely to win.
If a dog made a computer, it would have a mega bite.
Segma says, "32!"
Ligma Says, "And?"
Segma says, "Anding deez balls to your mouth."
The average French car has 7 gears, 6 of which are in reverse mode just in case the Germans come back.
When a cookie 🍪 wins a race, what will the crowd say?
“Chip Chip Hooray!”
Yo mama's so stupid, when I told her that she lost her mind, she went looking for it.
Friend #1: "What's your favourite thing about trees?"
Friend #2: "Apples"
Me: "I can hang myself in them."
I’m like an escalator because I’m always letting people down.
What is big and bouncy and walks on stilts?
I would tell you a recycling joke.
But I’m afraid it’d just be reused over and over.
Why do orphans hate school?
No field trips. Parent signature_____________.
What is the difference between a baby and a canoe?
I would never put a canoe in my garage.
Your momma's so fat she started "Fat Lives Matter". Meetings are everyday:
11 o'clock McDonald's, 12 o'clock KFC, 1 o'clock Pizza Hut.
What's the difference between an ugly monster and you?
Nothing.
Are you bleach? Because I want you inside of me.
What's the difference between a depressed person and a pizza?
Pizza won't cut itself.