Short jokes
I just shed my pants.
Did you know that a lot of graves are put in churchyards?
Yeah, they're pretty holey.
Why did piglet go to the bathroom?
To search for Poo.
How do you keep your friends from boring you with pictures of their children?
Every time they show you a new one, you say, "Oh FUCK yeah!"
What's a pirate's favorite key on the keyboard?
Others: R.
Rrrr, you would think so, but it be the C.
My parents told me I was born on the highway.
Apparently that’s where most accidents happen.
What did one gay sperm say to the other? "You think we’ll find the egg and all this shit?"
Explain Bear is my favorite.
What's the difference between Woody from Toy Story and a Catholic priest?
One goes limp when a child walks in the room.
When an orphan takes a pic, is it known as a family picture? 📸
What’s a kid with Down syndrome's favorite candy... Grunts.
Do trees pee?
How else do we have No. 1 pencils?
My entire family "TAKE THIS GIRL TO AN ASYLUM!!!"
Me "OH NO" 💀
I was going to talk about your chin, but I wasn't sure which one to write about.
If a school shooter walks into a classroom and shoots an autistic kid, what does the kid say? "Why do I look like Swiss cheese?"
(Best pick-up line ever). Your body is like 9/11. I wanna crash into your twin towers. 😏
A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.
The rabbit says, "I think I'm a type-O."
What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?
"I'm still standing, yeah, yeah, yeah!" (from Elton John)
When the South Tower saw the North Tower collapse, he said, "I'm still standing."
Why don’t cheetahs get married?
They always cheat on each other.
I’ll make a joke about homeless people, but they just don’t work.