Short jokes
What does a freshly pregnant teen and her baby share?
They both think, "Mom's probably going to kill me."
I just shed my pants.
Did you know that a lot of graves are put in churchyards?
Yeah, they're pretty holey.
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
I tried to take a picture of some fog. I mist.
Why does the Queen have more mobility than the King in chess?
Because it's shaped like the kitchen floor.
Why do black people only have nightmares?
Because the last one to have a dream got shot. (Martin Luther King joke)
If you give a dwarf 5-Hour Energy, will it become 10-hour Energy?
Why do Chinese people hate Christmas? Because they make the toys.
What is a government mandate?
When Obama and Biden go out to dinner together.
What is the difference between the government and organized crime?
Only one of them is organized.
Why do men give cold women their jackets?
No man wants a blowjob from a woman with chattering teeth.
Fat people are the reason we have double doors.
What do Spider-Man and suicidal people have in common?
They both hang.
My dog is called Syndrome. He jumps up at me and I shout, "Down, Syndrome! Down, Syndrome!"
I told my therapist I feel suicidal. He charged me in advance.
I told my teacher, "I’m failing life." She said, "That’s not on the syllabus."
What's the difference between a joke and the Twin Towers? People don't laugh at my jokes.
What should you do if the dishwasher breaks?
Kick her.
Why don't women parachute naked?
That annoying whistling sound on the way down.