Short jokes

When someone saw your hairline, they thought it was a Dorito logo.

I wanted to make a joke about homework, but sadly, I'm an orphan.

How does the next train stop for a depressive person? Death.

I kicked a ball into someone. Now I got a red card.

What did the north tower say to the south tower during the summer? Get ready for fall!

I replaced "Jingle Bells" with "Jiggle Balls"... "Jiggle balls, jiggle balls, jiggle all the way! Oh what fun it is to ride on jiggly balls today!"

Have you ever observed the depression cycle of a snail?

It's pretty much a downward spiral.

What is a prostitute's favorite form of traffic control?

Speed humps.

What do you call a person who doesn't masturbate?

A liar.

What do parents tell little boys to make them behave?

"Be good, or when you're asleep, Michael Jackson will get you!"

I'm worth something, I got a barcode on my arm!

I told my mom to get rope for a project, and when she got home, I got the good old coat hanger out and hung myself up.

I tried to give directions to an orphan, but he got lost because there was no home.

"I met a girl and she's 28."

"Now I'm the coolest guy in all of 8th grade."

- AJR

Girlfriend: "One day I will marry and a lot of men will be sad that day."

Boyfriend: "Wow, how many men do you plan to marry?"

How many white guys does it take to screw a lightbulb?

None. They hire me to do it.

I always keep anti-fungal spray with me... because I don't want to share my girlfriend with anyone.

I like my women like I like my traction control: disabled.

I: "Get a boomerang."

Type: "Why?"

Me: "Because for frisbee, you need friends."

What do Kurt Cobain and an emo kid have in common?

They both smell like "Teen Spirit."