Short jokes
How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?
As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.
Want to know how to fit 71 people in a car? Two in the front while we handle 69 in the back.
It’s ok to yell “Kobe” after missing a shot, he didn’t make it either.
If 2 + 2 is 4, and 4 + 4 is 8, then that must mean I can lick your pussy.
Me: Wanna play a game?
Sister: Ya, what is it?
Me: Tic tac toe.
Sister:?
Takes out knife and rolls up sleeve.
Me: Tic tac toe.
I told my suicidal friends to stop posting suicidal memes. They said they will stop soon.
Pornhub suggesting me MILF on Mother's Day...
Today I got a lecture from my mother, and congratulated her. Why?
Because she managed not to damage me in a physical fashion.
What do you call a person in a wheelchair with a speaker?
Rolling Loud 🎸🎸
Call of Duty kill cam be like.
This is the best kill streak ever!
I was playing football and this guy comes to me, he was in a wheelchair.
We started playing rocket league.
Ever wondered why my gay kids don't play basketball? Because they can't shoot the ball straight into the hoop.
What is the difference between Catholics and Lutherans?
Catholics are registered sex offenders.
I would kiss your lips, but your legs are blocking the way.
If you know, you know. 😏😏
Girls are like rocks, the flat ones get skipped.
me: calls suicide hotline. hotline lady: suicide hotline, how are you doing today? me: not much, just hanging.
Some people say I like heights; others say I'm a daredevil.
In reality, I like killing myself.
What do you do when your cat's not home?
Answer: You play with your neighbor's pussy.
Why would a protestant refuse to become a catholic?
Because a protestant is not a homosexual sodomite.
What's the difference between saying "bloody" in America and in the U.K.?
In the U.K., it's a swear word.
In America, it's a family reunion.