Short jokes

What's the difference between a depressed person and a pizza?

Pizza won't cut itself.

Orphans are the best targets for bullying, since who are they gonna cry to? Their parents?

Friend #1: "What's your favourite thing about trees?"

Friend #2: "Apples"

Me: "I can hang myself in them."

I’m like an escalator because I’m always letting people down.

What's the difference between an ugly monster and you?

Nothing.

Segma says, "32!"

Ligma Says, "And?"

Segma says, "Anding deez balls to your mouth."

Yo mama's so stupid, when I told her that she lost her mind, she went looking for it.

How long does it take for a depressed person to change a light bulb?

5 days. & I’m pretty proud of myself.

I was reading the news and read that a kid killed his family, and when they interviewed him, he said he wanted to become Batman.

The average French car has 7 gears, 6 of which are in reverse mode just in case the Germans come back.

When a cookie 🍪 wins a race, what will the crowd say?

“Chip Chip Hooray!”

What is the difference between a baby and a canoe?

I would never put a canoe in my garage.

Your momma's so fat she started "Fat Lives Matter". Meetings are everyday:

11 o'clock McDonald's, 12 o'clock KFC, 1 o'clock Pizza Hut.

Why do black men have nightmares?

Because the only one that had a dream got shot.

What do women and chess have in common? When you sacrifice the females and replace them, you are more likely to win.

What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Princess Diana?

Tiger Woods had a good driver.

If a dog made a computer, it would have a mega bite.

Are you bleach? Because I want you inside of me.

What is it called when a depressed person gets a stroke?

A stroke of luck :)

What is big and bouncy and walks on stilts?