Short jokes
What does Michael Jackson say when he grabs his crotch? I never noticed that before.
You know how divers jump off a cliff and land in the water well...
Emos do that too, but when they jump, they don't land in the water.
Ask someone to call you a bitch. When they do, tell them, "Bitches do as they are told!"
My mum told me to take you to the zoo and throw you in the lake, but I couldn't find you.
Your hairline is pushed back; we can see what you are thinking of.
I’m gonna put my AR 15 up your fucking ass and pull the trigger!
I saw this boy named Phone. He said where would he live? I said an orphanage.
What did Jenny get for her birthday after a car accident?
An amputation.
I was on a plane and my mom said, "It's just a little turbulence."
And I said, "Mom, we just got on the runway!"
"Me tells dad joke often."
"I want to hear it."
"Me? You wouldn't get it."
Why should you always knock on the fridge door before opening it?
The salad could be dressing!
Rangers are a joke.
Why did the pedo cross the road?
To get to the pre-school on the other side.
What's big, black, and touches children?
Harambe.
I never feel offended if my friends don't wish me a happy birthday.
Because that's what I want.
Me and Billy Bob the 1st, Billy Bob the 2nd, and Billy Bob 4th Jr. were all in the Twin Towers.
Why are women like diapers?
They’re usually full of shit, but thankfully disposable.
Skedaddle skedoodle, I'm gonna go beat my noodle.
Rapboat so fat he got more chins than Chinatown.
Why can’t you sell nans, but you can sell zebras?