Short jokes
I have a lot of respect for trans women.
That surgery takes balls!
How many dyslexics does it take to change a lightbulb?
Steven.
I have a question: Does aging affect corpses, too?
Just asking to know if I still count as a pedophile or not!
What does my arm have in common with paper?
They both can be cut.
My husband is mad that I have no sense of direction, so I packed up my stuff and left. Right?
Why don't women parachute naked?
That annoying whistling sound on the way down.
What separates bad jokes from dad jokes?
Condoms.
How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?
AIDS.
Why do orphans always have the newest iPhone?
Because it doesn’t have a home button.
My friend was in a crash, so when he got put in a wheelchair, people bullied him, so I told him to stand up for himself.
What do an open champagne bottle and an orphan have in common? They both lost their pop.
You're so bald that your hairline is receding faster than my bank account after a trip to Las Vegas.
Some guy called me a tool. So I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend. Guess he was right.
What do you call a gay drive-by?
A fruit roll up.
What tree is every emo kid trying to find?
The hanging tree.
Actually, Iron Man is female.
Why do you call a fat midget?
Jiggly Puff.
Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?
Because you can’t take medicine on an empty stomach.
What does a pregnant slave and a payless sale have in common?
Buy one, get one free.
Roses are red, your eyes are brown; never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down.