Short jokes
A limbless criminal has just been identified. Police say the suspect is armed and on the run.
Your hairline is so far away that even the Hubble Telescope can't see it.
Do you wanna know how I recently seduced an obese woman? Actually, it was a piece of cake.
The Titanic is now a resort for fish.
I was sitting at a bench at the park and saw a lady. She asked which kid was mine, and I responded, "I haven't decided yet."
Why can't an orphan get married? It doesn't have its parents' blessing.
what does an orphanage and a hospital have in common?
people go there to fix their mistakes.
They say give a man an inch, he'll take a mile. What about women? They don't have dicks.
What do emos like to do when they're sad?
They play violin on their wrists.
What's the quickest way to go to the hospital? Just stand in the middle of a busy road.
Somebody told me to cheer up so.... I told him to pass me a rope :)
Yah, hurtful towards you. Bro took it personally, literally.
You're so ugly, when you went to the makeup store, it shut down.
What was one phrase Michael Jackson said to a boy in his bed? Baby, be mine.
What do you call a disabled Arab?
Artoo-Detoo (R2-D2).
I farted in my grandma's breathing machine.
Two baked beans traveled around Australia.
They both ended up in Cairns.
I told a joke and someone said, "no one asked." Then I said, "no one would care to even ask."
When you're depressed about the world :( but you remember you will soon die :)
Your friend walks up to you and shows you a picture of an overweight woman.
What would you rate this woman?
A 7.
Why?
Because 7 ate 9!