Short jokes
To a Mexican person: When I first met you, I thought you were going to say, "My name is Enrique, I have a job for you."
Messi isn't as rich as Ronaldo. He cannot afford a Lamborghini.
Your momma's so fat, when she asked for a water bed, they put a blanket over the ocean.
Your hairline is so pushed back it looks like Will Smith slapped it back.
Q: What does a slice of pizza and an F grade have in common?
A: They're both cheesy.
Why does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella?
Fo' drizzle.
Why was Stephen Hawking never trusted when taking a quiz?
"No computers allowed on the test!"
Why did the man yell at the other? To tell a pun.
What do you call a fat fortune teller? A four-chin teller.
I was gonna tell you a pun about a bin but,
bin there, done that.
How to make white ice cream red... blend a baby into it!
One little orphan had roast beef, the other had none.
One little orphan went to market, the other stayed home. Wait a second.
What kind of cake can an orphan not have?
Homemade.
Is Google male or female?
Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a fruit joke.
When the guy asks the girl if she's wet, she replies, "Yeah, milky knickers!"
Ever seen twins?
If you said yes, was it before or after 2001?
What do you get when you cross an atheist an insomniac?
Someone who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog.
Question: Why does my teenage brother wear a cape to bed?
Answer: Because he can't sleep in his race car bed...
Why did the telemarketer cross the road?
I don't know.
I don't know either, but I hope there was a car coming.
I'm offended.
- Liberals