Short jokes
Yo mamma is so dumb that she smokes to burn calories!
Why does the Queen have more mobility than the King in chess?
Because it's shaped like the kitchen floor.
If you give a dwarf 5-Hour Energy, will it become 10-hour Energy?
My husband told me he just came into a lot of money.
Weird, he usually uses a sock.
What do Spider-Man and suicidal people have in common?
They both hang.
My dog is called Syndrome. He jumps up at me and I shout, "Down, Syndrome! Down, Syndrome!"
I told my teacher, "I’m failing life." She said, "That’s not on the syllabus."
I have a lot of respect for trans women.
That surgery takes balls!
Why don't women parachute naked?
That annoying whistling sound on the way down.
What separates bad jokes from dad jokes?
Condoms.
Why are most absent dads mechanics?
They like to nut and bolt.
I have a question: Does aging affect corpses, too?
Just asking to know if I still count as a pedophile or not!
My friend had one request for me before he committed suicide, and that was to play Van Halen’s “Jump” at his funeral.
What's a Mexican's favorite insect? A grasshopper.
Your momma is so old she has been a waitress at the last supper.
Why did the orphan go to church?
To hear some "foster" parenting advice.
What’s the difference between a feminist and a school shooter?
A school shooter actually makes an impact on its targets.
Two priests walk into a store, and cops come up to them and say they’re looking for a child molester, and the priests both say, "I’ll do it!"
I couldn't imagine being Abe Lincoln, that would be mind-blowing!
What do you call a serial killer that only kills fat people?
A mass murderer.