Short jokes
What do you call an orphan's family reunion?
Me time.
If abortion is murder, is jerking off genocide?
Two men ran into a bar. You would have thought after the first one hit it, the second one would have seen it.
Yo hairline is so crooked it makes your gay best friend look straight.
Yah, hurtful towards you. Bro took it personally, literally.
You're so ugly, when you went to the makeup store, it shut down.
What do you say to a depressed person on the ceiling?
Hang in there!
What was one phrase Michael Jackson said to a boy in his bed? Baby, be mine.
What song did the Titanic victims listen to as they died?
Ice, Ice Baby!!
What do you call a disabled Arab?
Artoo-Detoo (R2-D2).
I farted in my grandma's breathing machine.
I was sitting at a bench at the park and saw a lady. She asked which kid was mine, and I responded, "I haven't decided yet."
Why do orphans hate the color black? Because it reminds them of their dark history.
Being alive is so expensive, I am not even having a good time doing it.
What is an orphan's favorite period? Homeroom.
What do emos like to do when they're sad?
They play violin on their wrists.
What's the quickest way to go to the hospital? Just stand in the middle of a busy road.
When you're depressed about the world :( but you remember you will soon die :)
Got a job at the library yesterday... It lasted fifteen minutes... Turns out books about women's rights don't belong in the fiction section.
Your friend walks up to you and shows you a picture of an overweight woman.
What would you rate this woman?
A 7.
Why?
Because 7 ate 9!