Short jokes
Did you know that a majority of the U.S. is afraid of the dark?
Especially if they are right behind you at the ATM.
What do you do when your cat's not home?
Answer: You play with your neighbor's pussy.
Some people say I like heights; others say I'm a daredevil.
In reality, I like killing myself.
Why would a protestant refuse to become a catholic?
Because a protestant is not a homosexual sodomite.
Pornhub suggesting me MILF on Mother's Day...
What joke could orphan's never understand?
Your Mom jokes.
Today I got a lecture from my mother, and congratulated her. Why?
Because she managed not to damage me in a physical fashion.
What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?
"I'm still standing, yeah, yeah, yeah!" (from Elton John)
Call of Duty kill cam be like.
This is the best kill streak ever!
I’ll make a joke about homeless people, but they just don’t work.
What's the difference between a baby and a trampoline?
You take your boots off before jumping on a trampoline.
Your tits look heavy. Need help holding them up?
Free service for tit holding!
What is a little zombie's favorite stuffed animal?
It's a deady bear.
What is the difference between Drake and Carrie Underwood?
Carrie Underwood kissed a 12-year-old boy on the lips.
A Chinese man and an Indian man are in a car. Who’s driving?
The driving instructor.
Remember: Alcohol doesn't solve your problems, but neither does milk or water.
Q. What do you call a person with Alzheimer's?
It doesn't matter. They'll forget what you said in thirty seconds anyway.
What does an orphan call a kidnapping?
A surprise adoption.
What are women allergic to and always try to dodge?
Accountability.
You're so slow, the sped kid is your tutor.