My girlfriend called me pedophile today.
Big word for a 12-year-old.
Short Jokes
I was in a school shooting a few years ago, 3 people died.
I guess that’s what you get when you’re bad at hide and seek.
What do parents tell little boys to make them behave?
"Be good, or when you're asleep, Michael Jackson will get you!"
What was one phrase Michael Jackson said to a boy in his bed? Baby, be mine.
What do you call an emo with no legs?
Emobile.
What's the difference between Al Qaeda and Ms. Frizzle? One flew a plane into the Twin Towers; one flew a bus into the school.
When you have sex with a coworker but remember it's a family business.
My girlfriend dumped me today. Apparently, I don't stand up for her in fights. I don't care. She used to push me around all the time.
What’s green and orange and sits at the bottom of the swimming pool?
A baby with burst armbands.
When a clock goes forward, it's tic-tac, but when Rommel goes backwards, it's tactic!
I love the smell of my F5 key. It's very refreshing.
Somebody told me a chemistry joke. I thought it was sodium funny, I slapped my neon that one.
A tiny psychic escaped from jail, and the news said there a small medium at large.
Last time I talked to my girlfriend, she was yelling at me to put the hammer down.
What is the most dangerous mountain? Kilimanjaro.
I'm sorry for all the fish puns. I feel so GILL-ty.
What do I call a white person with 15 black kids?
Coach.
Stephen Hawking would be a bad Pokemon.
He'd always be paralyzed, and his only move would be tackle!
Imagine if on April first the government says, "Hahhaha, you all fell for it. Covid-19 is fake; we actually killed all those people, lol."
I broke up with my deaf girlfriend because she never listened to me.
