Short jokes
My friend was in a crash, so when he got put in a wheelchair, people bullied him, so I told him to stand up for himself.
What was Hitler’s favorite sex position?
Sixty nein.
Why do you call a fat midget?
Jiggly Puff.
What is the difference between a Mexican maid and a Jewish maid?
One of them won’t clean the oven.
What do you call an apartment full of Black people?
A crackhouse.
Did you hear about the dyslexic couple who were struggling to have sex? They kept doing the 96 positions.
My dog is called Syndrome. He jumps up at me and I shout, "Down, Syndrome! Down, Syndrome!"
What's the difference between Al Qaeda and Ms. Frizzle? One flew a plane into the Twin Towers; one flew a bus into the school.
My girlfriend dumped me today. Apparently, I don't stand up for her in fights. I don't care. She used to push me around all the time.
What do I call a white person with 15 black kids?
Coach.
When a clock goes forward, it's tic-tac, but when Rommel goes backwards, it's tactic!
What’s green and orange and sits at the bottom of the swimming pool?
A baby with burst armbands.
When you have sex with a coworker but remember it's a family business.
A tiny psychic escaped from jail, and the news said there a small medium at large.
Somebody told me a chemistry joke. I thought it was sodium funny, I slapped my neon that one.
I'm sorry for all the fish puns. I feel so GILL-ty.
What is the most dangerous mountain? Kilimanjaro.
I love the smell of my F5 key. It's very refreshing.
Stephen Hawking would be a bad Pokemon.
He'd always be paralyzed, and his only move would be tackle!
Last time I talked to my girlfriend, she was yelling at me to put the hammer down.