Short jokes
Why did the pelican get kicked out of the restaurant? Because he had a big bill.
I just thought of the best invention ever: a vape dildo.
Yo mama so fat, when she said, "I want a boat," they gave her a naval ship.
Hi, if you are suffering with depression and want to talk about it, please do so in the comments, and just know you are NOT alone.
What's the difference between an erection and Edward Holland? Nothing, they're both dicks.
There are plenty more fish in the sea is the last thing you should say to a necrophiliac.
I had a dog with an eating disorder.
He wouldn’t eat any of my homework.
What did the lawyer name his twins?
COURTney and CASEy.
What do you call your angry French aunt?
A crossaunt.
How is baseball like cake?
They both need batters.
What do lesbians do while having their period?
They finger paint.
Me and my brother were called the twin towers. My brother lived up to his title after the plane crash.
Daughter: "I know this is weird, but I feel like someone is watching me when I am sleeping."
Father: "Sorry."
It was the year 1912. I was in the SS Titanic, and I woke from a dream to think, "I've heard of wet dreams, but is that WATER?"
Bill Cosby on rape: "But, I heard, 'my body, my choice.'"
What do magicians and prostitutes have in common?
Answer: disappearing acts.
Your mama so fat the flash died halfway running around her.
Why do nuns walk in groups?
So one “nun” can keep an eye on the other “nun” just to make sure that she isn’t getting "nun".
Little girls are like basic math. If they're under 13, you do them in your head.
Black holes and horny black women have 1 thing in common, they suck everything in sight.