Short jokes
What’s the difference between a Hispanic and a stoner?
A stoner has papers.
How is baseball like cake?
They both need batters.
What's the difference between an erection and Edward Holland? Nothing, they're both dicks.
Yo mama so fat, when she said, "I want a boat," they gave her a naval ship.
Why did the girls sit on the clock?
To be on time.
There are plenty more fish in the sea is the last thing you should say to a necrophiliac.
What’s the difference between a thief and a pervert?
One will snatch your watch, the other will watch your snatch.
See, morbid humor is just like water, not everyone gets it.
Why did the pelican get kicked out of the restaurant? Because he had a big bill.
What sucks but doesn't suck?
Vacuums!
Person: "Doctor, doctor, I've only got 50 seconds to live!"
Doctor: "Just give me a minute!"
What do you call a banana eating a banana?
Canabananalism.
Stormtrooper: What should we do about the failed plan?
Palpatine: Screw it.
What's a similarity between blondes and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to turn them on before they start to suck.
When is a piece of wood made king?
When it's a ruler.
My first time sex was like buying my first used, crappy car.
I didn't want it, but Dad gave it to me anyway.
What did Cinderella say when she sat on Pinocchio? "Lie to me."
My wife called me a pedo. That's a big word for a 6 year old.
No, it's not just a crotch grab. Jacko was jacking it on stage when he saw a 6-year-old boy in the front row.
A new drug has been developed for lesbians with depression.
It’s called Trycoxagain.