Short jokes
I'm going to draw a picture. A picture with a twist. I'll draw it with a razor blade. I'll draw it on my wrist.
You know Bofa? Bofa deez nuts.
What do you call a grown up with your sister? Your best friend.
Next time I'm at a restaurant, and they ask what I want to drink, I'm going to say "bleach".
Q: How do you make a 9/11 cocktail?
A: Light two Manhattans on fire and then knock them over.
I want to thank all the sidewalks out there for keeping me off the street.
What do you do when an orphan takes a family photo?
A selfie.
Q: What was Hellen Keller's favorite game as a kid?
A: Musical chairs.
What's a furry's favorite news network?
Fox!
What do you call a dog that tells time?
A watchdog.
What’s Mexico’s favorite sport?
Cross country.
Why are pirates called pirates? Because they arrrrrrrr!
What is a tuba plus tuba? -- Fourba.
What’s one good thing about pedophiles?
They drive slow in school zones.
I told a blind man to read more, so he grabbed my arm and read the whole dictionary.
Why did the sea cry?
Because it felt salty and blue.
What does a queen want on her cookie?
Royal Icing.
Why was 10 scared of 9?
Because 9 8 7.
Son: "Dad, are we pyromaniacs?"
Dad: "Yes, we arson."
What do ghosts put on their bagels 🥯?
Scream cheese.