Short jokes
So you're in a hospital, you barely survive your suicide attempt. You see one of the scalpels, you finish the job.
What do ghosts put on their bagels 🥯?
Scream cheese.
Who is Santa's favorite singer?
Elf-is Presley!
Why was 10 scared of 9?
Because 9 8 7.
What does a queen want on her cookie?
Royal Icing.
What's a kidnapper's favorite shoes?
White vans.
Teacher: "If you don't understand, ask your parents at home."
Orphan: "I don't have neither of those :c"
Have you heard about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.
What's the Pixar movie close to being a pornstar? Toy Story... *I got a friend in me*
What's a child abuser's favorite song?
"Just Beat It!"
I'm going to draw a picture. A picture with a twist. I'll draw it with a razor blade. I'll draw it on my wrist.
You know Bofa? Bofa deez nuts.
Next time I'm at a restaurant, and they ask what I want to drink, I'm going to say "bleach".
What do you call a grown up with your sister? Your best friend.
When you're a terrorist and you have a stutter.
A a a a a a a a ala ala ala ala ala alaog alaogbar.
The world exploded, so now I need to visit Uranus.
Are you electricity? 'Cause I wanna get a bath with you ;)
My girlfriend is like treasure to me.
You need a shovel to find her.
What do you do when an orphan takes a family photo?
A selfie.
I want to thank all the sidewalks out there for keeping me off the street.