Short jokes

Why did Mary fall off the swings?

She got hit by a refrigerator.

Q: What's the difference between an egg and me?

A: An egg gets laid.

The doctor says, "Your wife is pregnant." The man says that he used a condom and the doctor says, "Yeah, but I didn't."

These murder jokes are just KILLING me!

What is Stephen Hawking's favorite shampoo? Head and Shoulders.

Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked if he wanted to upgrade to Windows 10. He replied, "I still love Vista, baby."

Where do cows go on holiday? -- Moo Zealand.

My life is a lot like a game of Black Jack.

I always hit on 16, then get busted.

There is one rapist among us.

I bought shoes from a drug dealer yesterday. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day.

Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.

Nutted in my shoes, now my kids are taking a walk.

What do you call physically handicapped, homophobic, heterosexual men and women in wheelchairs?

Mixed nuts.

Kenny was into incest until his mom died.

Now he's into necrophilia.

Your forehead is so huge, you don't have dreams, you have movies. Follow me on Instagram: _zer0x3.

You’re Russian when you go to the bathroom and Finnish when you come out. What are you in the bathroom?

European.

If Canadians speak "English Eh?", do Americans speak "English B?"

Seriously, who wants fucking Annoying Orange as president?

Guys, let's make this post have the most comments on the whole website.

Knock knock! Who's there? King Tut! King Tut who? King Tutty Fried Chicken!