Short jokes

I saw a Cuban prisoner. I asked, "Why are you running from the cops?" He said, "I'M FREE AT LAST!"

How long does it take for a depressed person to change a light bulb?

5 days. & I’m pretty proud of myself.

Yo mama's so stupid, when I told her that she lost her mind, she went looking for it.

Orphans are the best targets for bullying, since who are they gonna cry to? Their parents?

Friend #1: "What's your favourite thing about trees?"

Friend #2: "Apples"

Me: "I can hang myself in them."

What's the difference between a depressed person and a pizza?

Pizza won't cut itself.

I was reading the news and read that a kid killed his family, and when they interviewed him, he said he wanted to become Batman.

What is big and bouncy and walks on stilts?

Why do orphans hate school?

No field trips. Parent signature_____________.

What fell down the tree first, the emo or the apple?

Guess what? The apple, because the emo got left hanging.

I’m like an escalator because I’m always letting people down.

The average French car has 7 gears, 6 of which are in reverse mode just in case the Germans come back.

Are you bleach? Because I want you inside of me.

I'm on a seafood diet, I see food and I eat it.

What is it called when a depressed person gets a stroke?

A stroke of luck :)

What is the difference between a baby and a canoe?

I would never put a canoe in my garage.

What's the difference between an ugly monster and you?

Nothing.

Segma says, "32!"

Ligma Says, "And?"

Segma says, "Anding deez balls to your mouth."

What do women and chess have in common? When you sacrifice the females and replace them, you are more likely to win.

What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Princess Diana?

Tiger Woods had a good driver.