Short jokes
Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
Because they taste funny.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A lick-a-lot-of-puss!
What’s loud, red and goes at 200mph?
Paul Walker’s Porsche.
Why do mermaids wear seashells?
They are too big for “B” shells, and too small for “D” shells.
What is a physicist's favorite food?
Fission chips.
What does a shark and a computer have in common?
They both have megabytes.
The barman says, "We don't serve time travelers in here."
A time traveler walks into a bar.
What is the biggest disrespect to send a box of tea bags to Africa?
What did the octopus say to the other? "Let’s hold hands by hands by hands by hands by hands by hands by hands by hands."
Did you know that Iceland is only one sea away from Ireland?
What do you call a school shooting survivor who grows up to be a prostitute on the West Coast?
A Sandy Hooker
I told my teacher, "I’m failing life." She said, "That’s not on the syllabus."
What’s the best part about stage four cancer?
There’s no stage five.
Why are there more female history teachers than male?
Because women like to bring up the past.
There are only 2 things I hate in this world:
1. People who are intolerant of other people's cultures. 2. The French.
Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and leg?
He's all right.
What do Spider-Man and suicidal people have in common?
They both hang.
I have a question: Does aging affect corpses, too?
Just asking to know if I still count as a pedophile or not!
What should you do if the dishwasher breaks?
Kick her.
All aboard the Magic School Bus! We are going to New York. The second tower has been hit.