Short jokes
I tried to take a fog machine, but I took the wrong one. Needless to say, it was a big mist-take.
Husband: "I think I might take a picture of your breasts and frame it."
Wife: "I think I'll take a picture of your penis and enlarge it."
At every funeral, it's a try-not-to-say-"big mood"-challenge for me.
What kind of shorts do clouds wear?
Thunderwear.
I saw my wife at the dam yesterday. Drat. I was hoping she might float a bit more downstream.
I ain't shaking anyone's hand, not because of the Coronavirus... I ain't shaking anyone's hand because y'all out of toilet paper!
Q: What was the name of Michael Jackson's last book?
A: The ins and outs of child rearing.
"I bought my little sister a trampoline for her birthday, but all she wants to do is sit in her wheelchair and cry."
Age is just a number,
Jail is just a room.
What do you call a Chinese billionaire?
Cha Ching.
How do you keep a mute woman you've raped from telling on you?
By cutting off her fingers.
I was walking down the street when I thought I smelled my ex's perfume. Turns out, I was standing in front of a fish market.
Ring ring.
Abortion clinic!
Where no fetus can beat us.
There once was a little girl named Sarah with no arms and legs.
*knock knock*
Who's there!
Not Sarah.
What's the difference between an elephant and a feminist?
The feminist is overweight.
Did you hear about the guy who got electrocuted?
It was quite a shocker.
Americans won't have a Thanksgiving Dinner this year. Why not? They sent their turkey to the White House.
Hairy vagina is like sweets with the wrapper on. You don't like it, but you still eat it.
What do you call a funny cow?
A cowmedian.
In a normal country, they have lemonade. In Soviet Russia, they have Leninade: "Refresh yourself with a cold war."