Short jokes

So Santa fell down the chimney, but it was a lit chimney...his name's no longer Santa. It's Crisp Cringle. Pls send help :)

The last words my Dad spoke before he passed was, "Honey put down the knife, we were only talking about getting a divorce."

Died and came back a cowboy, I call that reintarnation.

I am a registered sex offender. I'm just playing, I'm not registered yet.

Your forehead is so big and shiny it looks like a solar field.

I'm 24 and I was with a Chinese lady, and she kept screaming, "I'm too young!" Like, I don't know what that name is.

Dream: Speedruns Minecraft.

Technoblade: Speedruns Life.

Why do we not have female magicians? Because last time we had them, we burned them alive.

An orphan, an emo, and an apple are on a tree. The apples get picked unlike the orphan, while the emo kid is already dead from hanging.

Why did potassium draw a tear that would result in him crying?

Because all of his friends argon.

Where are you not allowed to go trick or treating as a ghost?

Harlem, New York.

Why did Johnny not like the audiobook he got for his birthday?

Johnny was deaf.

How does the bunny keep his fur neat?

With a hare brush.

What did the skeleton say while riding his Harley Davidson motorcycle?

I’m bone to be wild!

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What feature does an orphan's phone not have?

A home button.

What did God say when he made the Black human? Oh no, I burnt another one!

How do you get a dishwasher to shovel snow? Give the bitch a shovel.

My friends and I were talking about this really ugly girl at our school. For some reason, she had the same name as me.

My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. But if I'm going to have sex, it's going to be on my own Accord.