Short jokes
Your hairline is so far back that your dad still can't find his way back home.
What's the difference between an orphan and cotton?
One gets picked.
How many white guys does it take to screw a lightbulb?
None. They hire me to do it.
"Have you taken a bath?"
"No. Why, did one go missing?"
What 7 letters do you say when you open the fridge and see it’s empty?
O I C U R M T
What is happening? Which is better: being loved or being hated? State your answer.
If messyourself was on the Titanic, he would die first.
Life is like a film; it goes on, but you can cut at any time.
I once had an emo friend doing a course for the marines. He made the cut.
When I see lovers' names carved on a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.
What do you call two monkeys who share the same Amazon account? Prime mates.
Your mom is so slow, it took her 9 months to make a joke.
Why do the twin towers and my mom have in common? They fell over.
School was fun, but it was hard, almost like riding a bike that’s on fire and the grounds on fire and everything’s on fire because it’s hell.
Why do black men have nightmares?
Because the only one that had a dream got shot.
What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Princess Diana?
Tiger Woods had a good driver.
If a dog made a computer, it would have a mega bite.
What happens when Rick Astley is getting an erection whilst singing "Never Gonna Give You Up"?
You get PRICKrolled.
Once an orphan got a girlfriend. He regretted it. She left him too.
I was happy for once, and my family was happy I was happy, but that all changed when they found out I was thinking about bridges and humans.