Short jokes
What did the Chinese family name their retarded kid? Something Wong.
How did the blind Catholic get in a car crash? He asked Jesus to take the wheel.
How many people does it take to screw in a light bulb? It takes two, but don't ask me how they get inside.
What is something feminists crave but will never get? Semen.
I, for one, wish Donald Trump was President again. It's been a while since we had a presidential assassination.
How many Trump supporters does it take to fix a lightbulb?
None, Trump says it is all done and they cheer in the dark.
I think Abraham Lincoln was gay because a guy shot from behind.
How do you get Wacko Jacko to come inside your shop? Have little boys' pants half off!
A hot dog and a banana had a race. Who won?
The wiener.
I like Cheetos.
My best friend got ligma. (Ah, did he? Sorry bro.) LIGMA BALLS!
Are you a keyboard? Cause you're my type.
COP: Are you high?
ME: If I was high, could I do this? *walks in a perfectly straight line*
COP: Wth he just walked off a cliff.
What's an orphan's high school nickname? "Lone Stone."
Where do otters come from? Otter space.
I'm so excited for Christmas Pudding... Pudding these nuts in your mouth.
Flat Earther pickup line: "The Earth may be flat, but Uranus is round."
Why are washers better than babies?
Washers don't cry when you put a load in them.
What do emo kids and Hitler have in common?
There's gonna be more brains on the wall when they lose something.
Why do people think Jesus is going to come back? He wasn’t nailed to a fucking boomerang!