Short jokes
I don't get this. Why is it I go to an orphanage and all of a sudden they said I used to be the cutest baby there?
What's the difference between a child and a carrot? About 140 calories.
What did the baby cow say to the mommy cow when he saw a hamburger?
"Mommy, is that Uncle Joe?"
What do you call a spaceman’s willy?
A Shuttlecock!
Why is the Catholic church in favor of condoms now?
It's now getting harder to hide DNA evidence.
I got in big trouble the other day, though it was pretty unfair. Babies kick pregnant women all the time, and yet I got arrested anyways.
People always told me to open doors for elders. So I opened the plane door 5,000 feet up in the air for a grandma.
If dust mites are found in dust, bedbugs are found in beds, where are cockroaches found in?
As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite shampoo? Head 'n Shoulders.
People in plays say that everyone's life is a drama, but mine's a tragedy.
What's better than seeing a baby swing around on a clothesline at 60km/h? Stopping it with a cricket bat.
Read this slow: I 1 2 4 Q?
When the school shooter breaks into your classroom, so you try to say goodbye to your Roblox gf, but then the shooter's phone goes off.
What did one shoe say to the other shoe when they were fighting?
I wanna sock you in the eye so bad!
Why did the dog join the marching band?
Because he had his trum-bone.
Look, I didn't hit rock bottom. I gracefully floated down there like Mary Poppins with an umbrella.
What's so special about bullets?
They do work after they are fired.
What did the processor say when it was being overclocked?
"Stop it! It hertz so much!"
Why does Ms. Mushroom 🍄 go out with Mr. Mushroom 🍄?
Because he’s a fungi.