Short jokes
What did the Queen Bee say to the other bees? "Beehive yourselves!"
What instrument do a pair of sheep play? The two-baaaa.
After watching Star Wars 8, I have to say Snoke was half the man I expected him to be.
How did the cow break up with the other cow? He said he moo-ved on.
Where was Moses when the lights went out? - In the dark!
Why do some men call their testicles "bells"? Because it's next to their "ding-dong."
What does milk and a kid with cancer have in common?
An expiration date.
My girlfriend is a porn star. -- She will kill me if she finds out.
The optimist thinks the glass is half full. The pessimist thinks the glass is half empty. The feminist thinks the glass is raping them.
Oh, my fat joke offended you? Which one of your chins did I hurt?
Ever heard of a rape victim with Alzheimers? Yeah, neither have they.
You're so fat, astronomers discovered a planet larger than Earth but smaller than Uranus.
I wasn’t understanding what I had to do for homework, so my teacher said, “Let me break it down for you like the Twin Towers.”
your mom
What's the difference between calling someone dad or daddy? How you come from his balls.
What do you get after a leper has a hot bath? ... Porridge.
Why doesn't Mexico compete in the Olympics?
Because all the Mexicans who can run, jump, and swim are in the U.S.
Why was Hitler bad at math?
He could only count to nein.
99% of women kiss with their eyes closed, that's why it's so hard to identify the rapist.
You walk into a McDonald's and you ask for some extra mayo, and they put too much on there.
I say I didn't order a "McCumshot."