Short jokes
What do you call a 3-sum with a girl with AIDS?
Nut in the butt.
I told my mother I wanted a brother for Christmas. The next day, I saw her in the strip club across the street.
What does a Mexican Highlander say?
"There can be only Juan!"
What does one math book say to the other? -- "Don't bother me. I've got my own problems!"
An apple a day can do so much more than keep the doctor away... it can keep ANYONE away.
if you throw it hard enough.
You walk into a McDonald's and you ask for some extra mayo, and they put too much on there.
I say I didn't order a "McCumshot."
Kenny is living with his girlfriend now.
He just moved back in with his mom.
You wanna know who didn't kick the bucket? Stephen Hawking didn't; nor did he bite the dust.
My dad always wanted one last smoke before his death, so we smoked his ashes.
What do a convention of nerds and Kurt Cobain's garage have in common?
There's brains all over the place.
Why did the bank robber shoot the man with no arms?
Because he told the man to put his hands up.
What does milk and a kid with cancer have in common?
An expiration date.
What do you call a Muslim sleepover?
Osamas in Pajamas.
What did a terrorist say when New York didn't want his food?
"Here Comes The Airplane!"
"the floor is lava!"
- everyone, Pompeii 79 A.D.
Emo kids counting be like: 1, 2, 3 come hang with me! 4, 5, 6 Gonna get new slits! 7, 8, 9 Suicide! 10, 11, 12 Bring some pills!
Emo girls be like: How much am I worth...
Girl, scan the code on your wrist!
What happened when your parents dropped you off at the orphanage? They got sued for littering.
How did the cow break up with the other cow? He said he moo-ved on.
Maybe if I fall in love with my depression, it'll leave me too.