Short jokes
Why do ballerinas wear tutus?
The one-ones are too small and the three-threes are too big.
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
I asked my doctor if it was normal for one of my nuts to be bigger than the other two.
What is Beethoven doing now?
Decomposing.
All you need is a razor blade in life.
There was an air crash of a Boeing 737-800 which can carry around 300 passengers.
It crashed in a cemetery.
They recovered 500 bodies.
What was the last hat Princess Diana wore?
A bonnet.
Yo mama so fat, when she joined NASA, they put her in orbit and the next day there was a lunar eclipse.
I went to the National Redhead Meeting yesterday.
Not a soul in sight.
Why do women have cleaner minds than men? Because they change theirs more often.
The daughter milked her dad. It turns out it wasn't milk...
Why is the sea salty?
Because the land never waves back.
Why does a movie set say "break a leg"? Because they have a cast.
I've just started a new business making people breathe in large amounts of helium. They all speak very highly of it.
When Stephen Hawking found out about physics, he was speechless.
Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?
Because she was stuffed.
What war did Africa not win? The water fight.
What place can you always find suicidal cows at?
"McDonald's."
Jack and Jill popped some pills to get a little tipsy.
Jack got a surprise and bloodshot eyes because Jill gave him a roofie.
Your adopted.