Short jokes
Why was Sally at the hospital after her parents left? Because they put her up for adoption.
Why did the farmer name his pig Ink?
Because he kept on running out of the pen.
Say this out loud: Alpha Kenny One.
First of all, if a woman sues Bill Cosby for drugging and rape 50 years ago, and she could still remember it, it couldn't have been all bad.
I was going to make a rape joke, but I don’t think you would’ve given me consent.
My crush: "I cut 4 inches off my hair yesterday." Me: "So?" My crush: "4 inches is a lot!" Me: "Oh yeah?"
Why is that kid walking like that? Oh, he's an alter boy.
Me: Have you ever tried African food?
You: No.
Me: They haven't either.
Where's a cannibal's favorite place to eat?
Chili's, because they got them baby back ribs.
The saddest painting you will see is a mirror.
A couple of cows were smoking a joint and playing cards...
The steaks were pretty high.
I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday.
I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
It's not rape if they can't say no. Duct tape.
I woke up one night and it was really dark in my room. Then my TV started to float out the window. I said, "Drop it, nig-"
Why can't religious women be raped? Because they are taught to never say no!
What's the difference between your job and a dead hooker?
Your job still sucks.
Women should be allowed to leave the kitchen... to clean the rest of the house.
I asked a Scottish friend of mine how many sexual partners he'd had. He started counting, but fell asleep.
I haven't talked to my wife in three weeks.
I didn't want to interrupt her.
I'm better than you in every single way... I even have an extra chromosome.