Short jokes

An apple a day can do so much more than keep the doctor away... it can keep ANYONE away.

if you throw it hard enough.

What do you call a 3-sum with a girl with AIDS?

Nut in the butt.

I told my mother I wanted a brother for Christmas. The next day, I saw her in the strip club across the street.

Say what you will of pedophiles, but you can't ignore their problem with immature ejaculation.

My wife is like a mirror.

I can never look at it.

My dad always wanted one last smoke before his death, so we smoked his ashes.

You wanna know who didn't kick the bucket? Stephen Hawking didn't; nor did he bite the dust.

Kenny is living with his girlfriend now.

He just moved back in with his mom.

Why did the bank robber shoot the man with no arms?

Because he told the man to put his hands up.

What did the Indian boy say to his mother as he left for school? -- "Mumbai!"

Do you know the TV show "Naked and Afraid?" Well, that's what my grandpa and I played when I was young.

If at first you don't succeed,

Maybe Russian Roulette isn't for you.

What do you call dynamite on steroids? - High Explosive.

Where was Moses when the lights went out? - In the dark!

Your mom is so ugly. When she goes to the dentist, they make her face down.

What’s the German word for BRA? Keep two from floppin'.

My dad still hasn’t come back with the milk. Now we are stuck eating dry cereal.

"the floor is lava!"

- everyone, Pompeii 79 A.D.

What do you call emos that live in the Bahamas?

Tropical depressions.

What happened when your parents dropped you off at the orphanage? They got sued for littering.