Short jokes
A hamburger walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "I'm sorry. We don't serve food here."
This homeless lady called me ugly, so I told her, "Okay, then I'm going home."
This girl came to me and said, "I got raped in my sleep!"
I replied, "I done it as a joke."
-April 1, 2020
You have a six-minute timer to live, but when you breathe, it resets.
When two wheelchairs hit each other, is it a fender bender?
How did Reese eat her cereal? - Witherspoon!
What's the difference between a cranky two-year-old and a duckling? One is a whiny toddler, and the other is a tiny waddler.
For all the talk of Donald Trump loving America, most of his lovers are imported from Eastern Europe.
A horse walks into a bar. Several people get up and leave, realizing the potential danger in the situation.
This is so sad, Alexa, play Despacito.
Why can't homosexuals get car insurance?
They've been rear-ended too many times.
Why can't dinosaurs clap?
Because they're dead.
Astronauts just found water on Mars! Mars: 1. Africa: 0.
Roses are red, shit is brown, Get that dick out my ass so we can go to town.
The more people who like to eat Tide Pods, the less idiots we have in the world. 😁
What do my clothes and a depressed person not have in common?
My clothes don't hang themselves...
Why did Helen Keller ride a broken roller coaster?
She didn't see anything wrong with it.
What does Michael Jackson and a lion have in common?
They're both predators.
Why do orphans love having sex?
Because they can finally call somebody "daddy."
Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head?
Because from a distance, they looked like hare.