Short jokes

If tomatoes are a fruit, does that mean ketchup is a smoothie?

Two cows standing in a paddock, one says, "Moo." The other turns to him and says, "I was just going to say that!"

What does a Mexican Highlander say?

"There can be only Juan!"

What do you call a 3-sum with a girl with AIDS?

Nut in the butt.

An apple a day can do so much more than keep the doctor away... it can keep ANYONE away.

if you throw it hard enough.

What does one math book say to the other? -- "Don't bother me. I've got my own problems!"

Say what you will of pedophiles, but you can't ignore their problem with immature ejaculation.

I told my mother I wanted a brother for Christmas. The next day, I saw her in the strip club across the street.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to get some water. Jill pulled up her dress and said, "Daddy, fuck me harder."

You walk into a McDonald's and you ask for some extra mayo, and they put too much on there.

I say I didn't order a "McCumshot."

My dad always wanted one last smoke before his death, so we smoked his ashes.

What do a convention of nerds and Kurt Cobain's garage have in common?

There's brains all over the place.

Kenny is living with his girlfriend now.

He just moved back in with his mom.

You wanna know who didn't kick the bucket? Stephen Hawking didn't; nor did he bite the dust.

What does milk and a kid with cancer have in common?

An expiration date.

If I'm racist for voting Trump, then you're a pedophile for voting Biden.

What's an orphan's high school nickname? "Lone Stone."

What do you call emos that live in the Bahamas?

Tropical depressions.

What did a terrorist say when New York didn't want his food?

"Here Comes The Airplane!"

Emo kids counting be like: 1, 2, 3 come hang with me! 4, 5, 6 Gonna get new slits! 7, 8, 9 Suicide! 10, 11, 12 Bring some pills!