Short jokes
You have a six-minute timer to live, but when you breathe, it resets.
The more people who like to eat Tide Pods, the less idiots we have in the world. 😁
Roses are red, shit is brown, Get that dick out my ass so we can go to town.
Astronauts just found water on Mars! Mars: 1. Africa: 0.
What do my clothes and a depressed person not have in common?
My clothes don't hang themselves...
What do you call it when Hitler puts retards in the oven? Baked potatoes.
Why did Helen Keller ride a broken roller coaster?
She didn't see anything wrong with it.
Why do ballerinas wear tutus?
The one-ones are too small and the three-threes are too big.
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
Why do orphans love having sex?
Because they can finally call somebody "daddy."
Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head?
Because from a distance, they looked like hare.
What does Michael Jackson and a lion have in common?
They're both predators.
What is Beethoven doing now?
Decomposing.
All you need is a razor blade in life.
I asked my doctor if it was normal for one of my nuts to be bigger than the other two.
Why do women have cleaner minds than men? Because they change theirs more often.
Why does a movie set say "break a leg"? Because they have a cast.
When Stephen Hawking found out about physics, he was speechless.
I went to the National Redhead Meeting yesterday.
Not a soul in sight.
Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?
Because she was stuffed.