Short jokes
What is the sun's favorite chocolate bar?
A Milky Way 😱
Why does Bill Clinton wear boxers? -- To keep his ankles warm.
Q. What do you call a gun that rapes someone?
A. An assault rifle.
When the teacher calls on you and asks you how many people did Hitler kill?
"One, he killed himself."
Why do orphans love having sex?
Because they can finally call somebody "daddy."
Doctor: "You're as healthy as a horse!"
Jimmy: "That's great!"
Doctor: "A horse with cancer."
Q: What's the hardest thing about losing your virginity?
A: Making sure she doesn't wake up.
The only thing I do straight is vodka.
Why is there no toilet paper at KFC?
Because it's finger lickin' good!
Someone: When you suffer from depression and someone tells you to cheer up.
Me: My, what a great idea! Why didn't I think of that? ;)
So, a few hours ago my friend said I need to CUT it out with the s/h jokes... like... it's really not that deep?
"Oh, waiter! Waiter!"
"Yes, sir?"
"Do you have frog's legs?"
"Why, yes."
"Good. Now hop along and get me a steak!"
"The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem." - Jack Sparrow
My mom said I need Jesus in my life, so I drunk up the holy water ;}
What do Phillip Adam and Kurt Cobain have in common?
They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.
Someone in London is stabbed every two minutes. Poor guy.
What did Hitler feel about all the jokes about him? Führereous.
There was a plane crash. The pilot's names were Captain Sum Ting Wong, Wi Tu Lo, Ho Lee Fuk, and Bang Ding Ow.
What kind of bee can't fly?
A KOBE.
My friend told me my wrist wasn't a cutting board. So I asked her if hers was at all, and if I could borrow it.