Short jokes

Short jokes

Chat

Ok, there has to be SOMEONE on this website right now. Whoever that is, wanna chat? (I'm just bored)

Wife

My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer. I'm not too worried, I think she's joking.

Depression

Someone: When you suffer from depression and someone tells you to cheer up.

Me: My, what a great idea! Why didn't I think of that? ;)

Friend

So, a few hours ago my friend said I need to CUT it out with the s/h jokes... like... it's really not that deep?

Abortion

When your girlfriend has an abortion, it's kinda like dodging your own bullets.

Waiter

"Oh, waiter! Waiter!"

"Yes, sir?"

"Do you have frog's legs?"

"Why, yes."

"Good. Now hop along and get me a steak!"

Jesus

My mom said I need Jesus in my life, so I drunk up the holy water ;}

Plane Crash

There was a plane crash. The pilot's names were Captain Sum Ting Wong, Wi Tu Lo, Ho Lee Fuk, and Bang Ding Ow.

Suicide

What do Phillip Adam and Kurt Cobain have in common?

They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.

Cow

What do you call a cow that was hit by an anvil? A flat iron steak.

Dwarf

I got introduced to a dwarf at a nudist colony the other day.

When we shook, the pleasure was all mine.

Pregnant woman

Jon said: What do you call a pregnant woman?

Mike said: I don’t know, what?

Jon said: Kinder surprise.