My wife is like a mirror.
I can never look at it.
Short Jokes
Badass Toilet Paper Company: We don't take shit off of anyone.
I was going to make a rape joke, but I don’t think you would’ve given me consent.
This girl came to me and said, "I got raped in my sleep!"
I replied, "I done it as a joke."
-April 1, 2020
You have a six-minute timer to live, but when you breathe, it resets.
I'm in jail for 5 minutes and I already got fucked 15 times. You don't have any idea how much I hate playing Monopoly with my dad.
If you kill an orphan, would that count as a squad wipe?
For all the talk of Donald Trump loving America, most of his lovers are imported from Eastern Europe.
A horse walks into a bar. Several people get up and leave, realizing the potential danger in the situation.
What's the difference between a smart blonde and a dinosaur?
The dinosaur once existed.
Why did the farmer name his pig Ink?
Because he kept on running out of the pen.
Say this out loud: Alpha Kenny One.
The daughter milked her dad. It turns out it wasn't milk...
What war did Africa not win? The water fight.
I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday.
I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
A couple of cows were smoking a joint and playing cards...
The steaks were pretty high.
Where's a cannibal's favorite place to eat?
Chili's, because they got them baby back ribs.
The saddest painting you will see is a mirror.
Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?
Because she was stuffed.
Q: What's the hardest thing about losing your virginity?
A: Making sure she doesn't wake up.
