Short jokes
This girl came to me and said, "I got raped in my sleep!"
I replied, "I done it as a joke."
-April 1, 2020
This homeless lady called me ugly, so I told her, "Okay, then I'm going home."
You have a six-minute timer to live, but when you breathe, it resets.
My mind was blown when I saw all the people waving at me.
-JFK
What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
The wheelchair. 😎
A hamburger walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "I'm sorry. We don't serve food here."
How did Reese eat her cereal? - Witherspoon!
Why can't dinosaurs clap?
Because they're dead.
Boy: "My girlfriend didn't dump me, I dumped her..."
Off the nearby cliff.
The more people who like to eat Tide Pods, the less idiots we have in the world. 😁
Astronauts just found water on Mars! Mars: 1. Africa: 0.
Roses are red, shit is brown, Get that dick out my ass so we can go to town.
What do my clothes and a depressed person not have in common?
My clothes don't hang themselves...
What do you call it when Hitler puts retards in the oven? Baked potatoes.
Why did Helen Keller ride a broken roller coaster?
She didn't see anything wrong with it.
Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head?
Because from a distance, they looked like hare.
Why do orphans love having sex?
Because they can finally call somebody "daddy."
What does Michael Jackson and a lion have in common?
They're both predators.
Why do ballerinas wear tutus?
The one-ones are too small and the three-threes are too big.
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.